21 TIPS TO RELEASE SELF-NEGLECT AND LOVE YOURSELF IN ACTION
Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Tess Marshall
“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh
The most important decision of your life, the one that will effect every other decision you make, is the commitment to love and accept yourself. It directly affects the quality of your relationships, your work, your free time, your faith, and your future.
Why then is this so difficult to do?
YOUR FAMILY OF ORIGIN
I grew up with nine siblings. I had two older brothers, three older sisters, three younger sisters, and a younger brother.
I never fit in. My sisters were tall and thin with beautiful, long, lush hair. By eleven years old, I was short and very curvy. My hair was fine, thin, and wild.
For the most part, my siblings did as they were told. I was outspoken, out-of-control and rebellious.
I wore my sister’s hand-me-down school uniforms. I rolled up the hems on the skirts and popped buttons on the blouses. My look was unkempt.
I was teased and bullied at home and at school. Yet I didn’t go quietly into the night. I fought for my place in my family. To protect myself, I developed a good punch and grew a sharp tongue.
I was 27 years old and married with four children when I became desperate enough to seek out my first therapist. I felt alone, stuck, and unlovable. I was determined to change.
After six months of working through my childhood issues, old thoughts, beliefs, and events, I felt alive again. It was like stripping off several layers of paint from an antique piece of furniture. I found myself restored to my original beauty.
CULTURAL INFLUENCES
We’re taught by society that our worth is found in the idols of our culture—technology, status, youth, sex, power, money, attractiveness, and romantic relationships.
If you base your self worth on the external world, you’ll never be capable of self-love.
Your inner critic will flood you with thoughts of, “I’m not enough, I don’t have enough, and I don’t do enough.”
Feelings of lack are never-ending. Every time a goal is reached or you possess the next big thing, your ego will move the line.
SHIFT YOUR SELF-PERCEPTION
Feeling worthy requires you to see yourself with fresh eyes of self-awareness, , and love. Acceptance and love must come from within.
You don’t have to be different to be worthy. Your worth is in your true nature, a core of love and inner goodness. You are a beautiful light. You are love. We can bury our magnificence, but it’s impossible to destroy.
Loving ourselves isn’t a one time event. It’s an endless, moment by moment ongoing process.
It begins with you, enfolding yourself in your own affection and appreciation.
Read on for steps to discover your worth and enfold yourself in affection and appreciation.
1. Begin your day with love (not technology). Remind yourself of your worthiness before getting out of bed. Breathe in love and breathe out love. Enfold yourself in light. Saturate your being in love.
2. Take time to mediate and journal. Spend time focusing inward daily. Begin with 5 minutes of meditation and 5 minutes of journaling each morning. Gradually increase this time.
3. Talk yourself happy. Use affirmations to train your mind to become more positive. Put a wrist band on your right wrist. When you’re participating in self-abuse of any form, move the band to your left wrist.
4. Get emotionally honest. Let of go of numbing your feelings. Shopping, eating, and drinking are examples of avoiding discomfort, sadness, and pain. Mindfully breathe your way through your feelings and emotions.
5. Expand your interests. Try something new. Learn a language. Go places you’ve never been. Do things you haven’t done before. You have a right to an awesome life.
6. Enjoy life enhancing activities. Find exercise you like. Discover healthy foods that are good for you. Turn off technology for a day and spend time doing things that make you feel alive.
7. Become willing to surrender. Breathe, relax, and let go. You can never see the whole picture. You don’t know what anything is for. Stop fighting against yourself by thinking and desiring people and events in your life should be different. Your plan may be different from your soul’s intentions.
8. Work on personal and spiritual development. Be willing to surrender and grow. Life is a journey. We are here to learn and love on a deeper level. Take penguin steps and life becomes difficult. One step at a time is enough to proceed forward.
9. Own your potential. Love yourself enough to believe in the limitless opportunities available to you. Take action and create a beautiful life for yourself.
10. Be patient with yourself. Let go of urgency and fear. Relax and transform striving into thriving. Trust in yourself, do good work, and the Universe will reward you.
11. Live in appreciation. Train your mind to be grateful. Appreciate your talents, beauty, and brilliance. Love your imperfectly perfect self.
12. Be guided by your intuition. All answers come from within. Look for signs and pay attention to your gut feelings. You’ll hear two inner voices when you need to make a decision. The quiet voice is your higher self; the loud voice is your ego. Always go with the quieter voice.
13. Do what honors and respects you. Don’t participate in activities that bring you down. Don’t allow toxic people in your life. Love everyone, but be discerning on who you allow into your life.
14. Accept uncertainty. Suffering comes from living in the pain of the past or the fear of the future. Put your attention on the present moment and be at peace.
15. Forgive yourself. Learn from your mistakes and go forward. Use this affirmation, “I forgive myself for judging myself for __________ (fill in the blank i.e.: for getting sick, for acting out, for not doing your best.)
16. Discover the power of fun. Self-love requires time to relax, play, and create face-to-face interaction with others. Our fast-paced world creates a goal setting, competitive craziness that doesn’t leave room for play. Dr. Stuart Brow says, “The opposite of play isn’t work, it is depression.”
17. Be real. Speak up and speak out. Allow yourself to be seen, known, and heard. Get comfortable with intimacy (in-to-me-see).
18. Focus on the positive. Go to your heart and dwell on and praise yourself for what you get right in all areas.
19. Become aware of self neglect and rejection. Become conscious of your choices. Ask yourself several times throughout the day, “Does this choice honor me?”
20. Imagine what your life would look like if you believed in your worth. Dedicate your life to loving you. Make it your main event.
21. Seek professional help. Self-rejection and neglect is painful. You deserve to be happy. You have a right to be accepted and loved. If necessary, seek help from a support group, counselor, or coach. It’s the best investment you can make.
Because we are all interconnected, when I love me, I also love you. Together through our love, we can heal ourselves, each other, and the world. Love is our purpose, our true calling. It begins with and within each of us.
THINGS THAT KILL A LOVING RELATIONSHIP
Not Listening
Communication is the crux of all relationships, and if the communication is not strong then your relationship will not be. Not only is talking about your feelings important, but listening is also vital.
When your mate is unleashing his or her emotions on you, make it evident that you are taking what he or she says into consideration. Do this by showing a sincere interest in things you know are important to him or her, regardless if it is a minor thing or a major thing.
When your mate is unleashing his or her emotions on you, make it evident that you are taking what he or she says into consideration. Do this by showing a sincere interest in things you know are important to him or her, regardless if it is a minor thing or a major thing.
Also, if your significant other notifies you of an aspect of your personality or behavior that he or she dislikes that is within reason, try your hardest to prevent yourself from doing such things in the future. Although you may not completely eliminate that annoying habit, the effort that you show will be enough to satisfy that person.
Excess Baggage
Everyone has baggage; however, the key is dealing with that baggage and not allowing it to influence your relationship.
Everyone goes through obstacles throughout their day that cause stress. However, by no means should you tell your mate every time you are upset. With that said, do tell the person when something major happens to you-not when you've been plagued with something as minor as a paper cut. Nobody likes to be burdened with other people's downfalls on a constant basis because they are dealing with their own misfortunes as well.
Everyone goes through obstacles throughout their day that cause stress. However, by no means should you tell your mate every time you are upset. With that said, do tell the person when something major happens to you-not when you've been plagued with something as minor as a paper cut. Nobody likes to be burdened with other people's downfalls on a constant basis because they are dealing with their own misfortunes as well.
Commitment Problems
With time, a certain comfort level is reached in a relationship. When this happens, a relationship becomes serious, or in other words, committed. For some, the word "committed" entails labels and obligations.
In order to be in a committed relationship, you must be mature and realize that it will take hard work and dedication to maintain. Make sure that your mate knows where he or she stands with you at all times. This is achieved through actions. Show your mate how much he or she means to you by writing a sentimental poem or by literally telling that person.
Commitment is scary for many because it serves as the end to just being you and the beginning for you being two. So if you are in fact serious about your mate, do not force him or her into a commitment; rather, let things ease into that stage. Do this first by taking the relationship day to day, and then as things progress, subtly slip hints that you are beginning to think about your future together.
Family Matters
The family – you have to love them even though most times it would be easier to throw pixie dust on them and wish they would vanish off to Never land. However, the reality is that you must make sure you are on your best behavior in front of them if you want a serious long-lasting relationship with your mate.
Keep in mind that you must think of this task as a job. You can make a great first impression, but the staying power of that impression is what counts. Make sure the family feels that you are not only getting to know them for your mate, but that you are also getting to know them because you actually like them as people. With that said, invite them to join you in activities that do not include your mate such as shopping.
Also, make sure you exercise great mannerisms. This means always cleaning the table after a meal without being asked and always offering to help in chores around the house. Not only must you go that extra mile, but you also must make sure you impress while doing so. This means always bringing a dish of the family's favorite food each time you come over, or calling the person's mom when at the supermarket to see if she needs anything.
Being a Workaholic
In this day and age, the height of success is a long and rough road to travel. In your voyage to riches, you may unintentionally neglect your special someone.
Your mate can only be so supportive. Remember a long-lasting relationship is as fulfilling as a successful career. As a career entails obstacles and levels to reach the top, so do relationships. However, this does not mean to place your relationship over your career, but rather balance the two.
To maintain this juggling act, you should try to invite your mate to work gatherings and keep him or her updated on the events in your career. This way they will feel connected to that aspect of your life and will be more understanding if you sometimes decide to choose work over them.
YOU DON’T NEED THEM
If your mate still ends up breaking up with you even after all of this, do not waste your time being upset; rather, be relieved with the reassurance that you can do much better.
TRUE LOVE OR FAKE LOVE - HOW TO KNOW IF IT IS REAL
Signs Of Not Real Love
Possible signs that it isn't true love is you...
- think of your partner as absolutely perfect
- are concerned with your needs first
- need to spend all your free time with your partner
- quickly became infatuated with your partner
- tend to be jealous easily
- can't come to a compromise after fighting
- accept your partner and their flaws
- are concerned with your partner's needs first
- are comfortable being apart from one another
- slowly fell for your partner
- trust your partner completely
- are able to resolve a fight and grow stronger through it
LIVING WITH YOUR LOVER - ( REAL ESTATE - HOME BUYING / SHARING )
Living together is a really big step in a relationship and is a sign of commitment from both parties involved. The effects and consequences of making the move are difficult to predict as every situation is different. Whether living together is right for your relationship will depend on how you view the situation and what you are willing to sacrifice.
The Pros
The great thing about moving in together is that you can "test the waters" for marriage. If everything is still well after living together for a while, and you have accepted this person's routines and habits, this experience will add to the foundation of the new marriage if that were to happen down the road.
You can both use this opportunity to really get to know your partner, specifically, their bad habits and undesirable qualities that may have lay dormant before living together. There may be something about their habits at home that strikes a pet peeve of yours. It is better to discover these things now rather than after marriage, as it is much easier to get out of a living situation than a marriage if the unfortunate case may arise.
The main argument of the opposition to moving in is that it takes away all the excitement when you do decide to get married. It just defeats the purpose of your whole marriage altogether and gives you nothing to look forward to.
What may also end up happening is that one person may become far too comfortable with the situation while the other is left wondering if the marriage will ever happen.
Then there is always the religion aspect of things. A man and a woman are not meant to be sexually active before a marriage. And let's face it, living together and sharing the same bed may make this rule a bit difficult to adhere to.
THE BEGINNING OF A NEW RELATIONSHIP - COURTING
The "Courting Phase" does not refer to the courtship process which precedes a relationship. The courtship process is when you attempt to charm someone into forming a relationship with you. The courting phase, however, is the very beginning of a new relationship itself; just after a successful courtship.
In the courting phase, both parties maintain that fascinating charm which they used to attract their partner in the first place. The courting phase is where most broken promises & exaggerate words are said as you are still trying to impress each other. Things like 'I've never felt this way about anyone else before' or 'I think we have something special between us' are said. Although these statements are made with good intentions, they are often inaccurate and are based mainly on feeling as oppose to logic.
A couple in the courting phase also tend to be very "playful" with one another and prefer to spend every free moment together.
Although not every relationship passes through this courting phase, it happens often enough. Just make sure you are beyond this point before you start taking any serious steps in the relationship.
LOVE & LUST THE DIFFERENCE
Lust is always mistaken as love. Lust is passion. Lust is desire. Lust is therefore not love. It can be difficult for the inexperienced to distinguish between the two emotions. Especially, in the beginning of a relationship when sexual feelings are stronger.
Love
Love is the emotional attachment in a relationship. Love is the sincere feeling of affection and devotion that you have for your partner. It is a deep, profound, and pure emotion that does not sway easily. Love is an emotion that can take years to build up and can only be felt for someone you hold dear.
Lust
And then there is lust. Lust can be felt towards anybody with a sufficient amount of sexual appeal. Lust is so sensual in it's raw nature of being and can be formed instantly. It is a strong, excessive craving for sexual intimacy that can be difficult to control.
It is probably lust if sex is the main basis of your relationship. Can't keep your hands off each other? Is sex the only thing that you look forward to with this person? It is probably lust. A relationship founded on lust will only last as long as the two people involved are sexually attracted to one another; this can wear off fast.
SIGNS THAT HE IS NOT THE ONE
After enduring weeks of single girl sympathy, you finally agreed to let your cousin set you up with that "great guy" she knows. Since you said yes, you figure you might as well make the most of it and keep an open mind. But, just in case, you ask your best friend to call your cell about a half hour into the date so you can fake an emergency if needed.
Actually, it's not even faking. Bad dates are emergencies. However, lucky for you, there are warning signs that the person you are out with is, and always will be, a terrible date. If you are unlucky enough to experience any of them first hand, make sure to answer your friend's call saying, "Oh no! That's terrible! I'll be right over."
He's Late
This one is pretty basic. If a guy doesn't have enough enthusiasm for the date to actually show up on time, you shouldn't expect to be impressed by the rest of the night. Obviously, there are times when you just can't help it, but he'd better have a good reason if he shows up at your door even 15 minutes late.
He's Not Dressed to Impress
You've spent hours on your hair and a pile of rejected clothes covers your bed. You are finally dressed to the nines in the perfect outfit and ready for the evening. You open the door and are surprised to be greeted by your date in torn jeans and a stained t-shirt. You doubt he's washed his hair today (or yesterday). You expected a nice night out and he shows up looking like he's dressed for a monster truck rally.
He Takes you to a Monster Truck Rally
Original and unique first dates are a great way to stand out from the rest of the fish in the sea, but there are exceptions. He should at least do a little research into your style before he plans an unusual activity. Sure, he might really love hot dogs and monster trucks, but if you were thinking fine dining and theatre, there's bound to be trouble.
The fact that he didn't bother to ask your opinion beforehand (or at least get the matchmaker's thoughts on the plan) doesn't bode well for how he's going to respect your needs and wants in the future.
He Expects You to Pay
It's not absolutely necessary that he pick up the check. Along with all those useful freedoms like voting, the feminist movement also brought us the responsibility of at least offering to pay for half the date. Most guys still think it's chivalrous to pick up the tab for the first date and there's nothing wrong with indulging his male ego (after an appropriate amount of protesting of course).
No girl is expecting a man to drop a fortune on a first date, but a guy who expects you to pay for everything without lifting a finger to open his own wallet doesn't give off the impression that he cares much what you think of him. In fact, he probably won't see a second date (and maybe not even the end of the first one). A good rule of thumb for payment is: whoever asks for the date, pays for the date.
He Talks About his Ex
So maybe you escaped the monster truck rally, but instead of choking on exhaust fumes and standing in a sea of drunken mullets, you get to hear all about his wonderful or horrible ex-girlfriend. Bonus trouble points if he had a nasty breakup and insists on sharing the details with you.
If he refers to his ex even once with a derogatory insult that you wouldn't call your worst enemy, run for the hills now. It's not a good sign if he can't say anything nice about the last woman with whom he had a significant relationship.
How Can I Put This.? He's a Weirdo.
Yes, it's time to weed out those with personal quirks that you find distasteful or generally unacceptable. This will be different for every woman of course (some chicks really dig witchcraft, guys that live with their moms or Dungeons and Dragons enthusiasts). Regardless, that tight knot that is forming in your stomach while you listen to his ideas, habits and activities, should not be ignored.
Awkward Moments vs. Awkward Hours
When he's not filling you in on his wacky life, the conversation stalls into silence or unintelligible grunting. It's normal to have a little awkwardness or difficulty getting conversation to flow in the beginning of a first date, but if after a few minutes, he still can't think of a single question to ask about your life or keep up with the conversation, it's time to call it a night.
If it's twenty minutes in and you've run out of things to talk about, you probably don't have much of a future together.
Actually, it's not even faking. Bad dates are emergencies. However, lucky for you, there are warning signs that the person you are out with is, and always will be, a terrible date. If you are unlucky enough to experience any of them first hand, make sure to answer your friend's call saying, "Oh no! That's terrible! I'll be right over."
He's Late
This one is pretty basic. If a guy doesn't have enough enthusiasm for the date to actually show up on time, you shouldn't expect to be impressed by the rest of the night. Obviously, there are times when you just can't help it, but he'd better have a good reason if he shows up at your door even 15 minutes late.
He's Not Dressed to Impress
You've spent hours on your hair and a pile of rejected clothes covers your bed. You are finally dressed to the nines in the perfect outfit and ready for the evening. You open the door and are surprised to be greeted by your date in torn jeans and a stained t-shirt. You doubt he's washed his hair today (or yesterday). You expected a nice night out and he shows up looking like he's dressed for a monster truck rally.
He Takes you to a Monster Truck Rally
Original and unique first dates are a great way to stand out from the rest of the fish in the sea, but there are exceptions. He should at least do a little research into your style before he plans an unusual activity. Sure, he might really love hot dogs and monster trucks, but if you were thinking fine dining and theatre, there's bound to be trouble.
The fact that he didn't bother to ask your opinion beforehand (or at least get the matchmaker's thoughts on the plan) doesn't bode well for how he's going to respect your needs and wants in the future.
He Expects You to Pay
It's not absolutely necessary that he pick up the check. Along with all those useful freedoms like voting, the feminist movement also brought us the responsibility of at least offering to pay for half the date. Most guys still think it's chivalrous to pick up the tab for the first date and there's nothing wrong with indulging his male ego (after an appropriate amount of protesting of course).
No girl is expecting a man to drop a fortune on a first date, but a guy who expects you to pay for everything without lifting a finger to open his own wallet doesn't give off the impression that he cares much what you think of him. In fact, he probably won't see a second date (and maybe not even the end of the first one). A good rule of thumb for payment is: whoever asks for the date, pays for the date.
He Talks About his Ex
So maybe you escaped the monster truck rally, but instead of choking on exhaust fumes and standing in a sea of drunken mullets, you get to hear all about his wonderful or horrible ex-girlfriend. Bonus trouble points if he had a nasty breakup and insists on sharing the details with you.
If he refers to his ex even once with a derogatory insult that you wouldn't call your worst enemy, run for the hills now. It's not a good sign if he can't say anything nice about the last woman with whom he had a significant relationship.
How Can I Put This.? He's a Weirdo.
Yes, it's time to weed out those with personal quirks that you find distasteful or generally unacceptable. This will be different for every woman of course (some chicks really dig witchcraft, guys that live with their moms or Dungeons and Dragons enthusiasts). Regardless, that tight knot that is forming in your stomach while you listen to his ideas, habits and activities, should not be ignored.
Awkward Moments vs. Awkward Hours
When he's not filling you in on his wacky life, the conversation stalls into silence or unintelligible grunting. It's normal to have a little awkwardness or difficulty getting conversation to flow in the beginning of a first date, but if after a few minutes, he still can't think of a single question to ask about your life or keep up with the conversation, it's time to call it a night.
If it's twenty minutes in and you've run out of things to talk about, you probably don't have much of a future together.
SIGNS OF AN ATTRACTIVE MAN
Attractiveness doesn't only come as looks. Regardless of how good looking you are, if you don't know what to do, what not to do, what to say, and what not to say, your chance of landing your dream girl is slim to none.
Most often, popular guys are not the ones with celebrity looks, but the ones who have mastered themselves in the art of “true attractiveness.” For those still struggling with what makes men truly attractive to women, I offer some advice.
Be Responsible
You are going on a date with your girlfriend, you are driving, and luckily, you get stuck in traffic. Suddenly, you start venting about how everyone should just stay home and not bring their stupid cars out just to jam the street. You complain about how the road system in the city sucks and how you will not be able to make it to the movie on time. What would your girlfriend think of you?
How about using that time to have a conversation about something you haven't spoken about so far? You are the one who initiated the date, so why not try to make the most out of this not-so-pleasant situation?
Instead of venting at everybody, which does nothing more than show how immature you are, start a conversation about the movie you will be seeing that evening. Or, if you have that sense of humour, crack a few jokes, which is totally harmless. Your girlfriend will definitely notice how hard you are trying to lighten up the situation - and she'll enjoy it, too.
Be Humble
Every person this planet values humility as one of the greatest human virtues. Women like men who are confident but at the same time, humble. As a society, we sometimes take humility to mean lack of confidence, but humility and confidence can definitely go together. When such a combination is found in a man, a woman will definitely be attracted.
Loosen Up
Loosen Up
What's even more important than the look is the voice. A Man who has a low tone of voice and relaxed shoulders exudes confidence and appeal to women. They see him as reliable. If you look too strained, even though your portfolio might be stellar, women generally will not find you as attractive.
The Little Things Matter
The Little Things Matter
Kindness is good, but if kindness is the only thing going for you, you are out of luck. Add a tough side to your kindness and you will boost your score on the popularity scale.
If your girlfriend is struggling with the menu, take the lead and say, “Why don't we try this? It's really good. You will like it.” Don't just sit there and keep asking, “So, what do you want?” There is a difference between rushing her and taking the lead. The latter is a very good thing! You are sure to earn a few extra points.
If your girlfriend is struggling with the menu, take the lead and say, “Why don't we try this? It's really good. You will like it.” Don't just sit there and keep asking, “So, what do you want?” There is a difference between rushing her and taking the lead. The latter is a very good thing! You are sure to earn a few extra points.
Be an Entertainer
An entertainer doesn't have to be on TV every night. If you have what it takes to make your girlfriend laugh, cry, smile, and frown, then you are her entertainer.
Love must be true and genuine, but just for now, treat your relationship like stage. Think about each scene, where each character is and what they will say. Think about how the play will begin and end. Make her the heroine and you, her prince charming.
Every girl says they want to meet prince charming, and he is character straight out of a story. You may not be prince charming but you can be the closest thing there is.
Every girl says they want to meet prince charming, and he is character straight out of a story. You may not be prince charming but you can be the closest thing there is.
HOW TO PLEASE A WOMAN - KNOWING WHAT WOMEN WANT
Okay, so it is true. Women can be complicated creatures. But what human being isn’t? Although we each have our own needs, quirks and foibles, when it comes down to it, there are a few basic things that every woman wants. Now it’s up to the men to pay attention.
It’s amazing to me how many articles, television shows, movies, songs, and books exist about male and female relationships. And how sadly accurate many of them are. With all this material out there, why do so many problems still exist between men and women?
The Gender Gap
Men aren’t listening. And I don’t really blame them. I don’t even like Sex and the City so I can’t expect my boyfriend to faithfully watch every episode and quote it like some almighty dating bible. Although that show is full of things that men would (rightfully) cringe at, there are points to heed. Namely, cliches exist for a reason.
The things that seem painfully obvious to women are going unnoticed by men, likely because they haven’t spent hours happily identifying with women indulging in insecurities and sharing laughs about terrible dates. So women – give your man a break here and realize that although you feel inundated with ideas for dating, romance and sex, many men have put the blinders on because those things just don’t seem important to them. That is, until they are left out in the cold, heartbroken because the girl of their dreams gave them the boot for seemingly no reason.
Pay Attention Boys
Here’s the thing – women want a few basic things: trust, loyalty, friendship, laughs, respect. And a satisfying sex life. Nothing earth shattering.
Here’s where we get annoyed – when things about women that seem built into pop culture, escape your minds. I understand that you may not want to watch Oprah and see every “chick flick” out there but there are certain things that you really should know by now.
To clarify:
- · We do not like to be called fat.
- · We need foreplay.
- · We like to be called if you are going to be late. These are three little things that can make a huge difference in a relationship. Maybe they don’t seem like a big deal to you men or maybe you don’t understand, but we don’t need you to. Just do them. Please.
Be a Gentleman
If you want to go above and beyond the basics, it’s also good to keep in mind that women like to be treated nicely. Again, I wouldn’t think you’d have to be told and I’m sure many of you don’t, but lately I’ve been hearing some pretty incredible stories from friends. In one story, a guy asked my friend out, took her to a bar, ordered her a drink and then summoned her to come pay for hers. Boy was she swept off her feet!
Don’t get me wrong, neither she, nor I, nor most women are looking for Mr. Fancy Pants to wine and dine us and spend all his money on us. Negative stereotypes of men and women don’t help us get any closer to understanding each other. It’s not the saved money and free drinks we appreciate, it’s the chivalry, the extra effort. That little gesture that says I care. It doesn’t have to be monetary, it can be holding a door, a compliment, even just turning off the cell phone while you are out together.
Mutual Appreciation
I’m sure no man goes out with the intention of annoying a girl or being insensitive. There are differences between how men and women relate, so it should be expected on both ends by now that things don’t always progress seamlessly.
The effort really does make a difference. We are all from different walks of life and have different expectations for each other and for life in general. Women want to be appreciated, as I’m sure men do. It may seem crazy to you if a girl flies off the handle because you were an hour late, but the thing is, women can be a little crazy. Evidently unbeknownst to some of you, women spend hours primping and preparing for dates, for our boyfriends, even for our husbands. Legs must be shaved, makeup applied, hair done so that we feel attractive and sexy for you!
If a woman does something nice for you and you notice, (please tell me you notice), tell her. If she cooks you dinner, try to return the favor. Be honest and supportive and she will do the same for you.
HOW TO OVERCOME JEALOUSY IN A RELATIONSHIP
Jealousy is a human emotion that we all instinctively experience at some point in our lives. Jealousy can refer to a strong desire for or envy of someone else’s success, stature, or possessions.
Taken in a social context, it can refer to a perceived threat to a valued relationship or to its quality. Jealousy may cause someone to be doubtful of his or her partner and feel threatened by his or her interaction with certain people. It involves a fear of losing the other person.
There are different kinds of jealousy and educating yourself on them may help you and your partner develop a stronger relationship.Healthy Jealousy
Jealousy doesn’t necessarily indicate negative connotations in all cases. After all, it is quite natural for men and women to be protective and possessive of the one that they love. In a relationship, when feelings of jealousy are mild and occasional, it reminds the couple not to take each other for granted. It can encourage couples to appreciate one another and make an effort to ensure the other person feels valued.
Having reservations about your significant other going to a strip club, the sight of him or her drooling over an attractive person of the opposite sex, or witnessing him or her flirting with someone else are innocent examples of how jealousy can be a perfectly normal reaction.Destructive Jealousy
Sometimes, jealous feelings can balloon out of proportion. It is a completely different story when jealousy becomes frequent, intense, and irrational. Once you reach this stage, you obsessively begin to question your lover’s loyalty to you and it sends you into a blind rage. You may even try to restrict your partner’s interactions with other people and constantly monitor where he or she goes and what he or she does.
If you can’t control your jealousy, it is bound to be detrimental to your relationship. It eats away at the most important thing holding it together – trust. It can leave your loved one constantly feeling like they are walking on eggshells.
If you find yourself drifting into the realm of harmful and unhealthy jealousy, there are things you can do to prevent it from ruining your current and future relationships.Identify the Root of the Problem
What is causing this unfounded jealousy? You may behave this way because you have been cheated on in the past. This may cause you to be more possessive and controlling in a new relationship for fear of repetition, even if he or she has never given you a reason to be doubtful.
If this is the case, it is important to deal with these feelings and insecurities before you enter a new relationship. Harboring unresolved feelings from past relationships is a sure sign that you aren’t ready for a new one.Give yourself a Reality Check
Focus on what is really happening, not what you perceive to be happening. How realistic is the threat? What evidence do you have that your relationship is in danger? Distinguish fact from fiction.
If you have no solid grounds for feeling jealous, your false accusations will cause a lot of unnecessary strain on the relationship. Don’t let your imagination draw a negative picture of your partner.Positive Self-Talk
Sometimes, you need to give yourself a pep talk. When you start feeling those twinges of jealousy, remind yourself that your partner loves you and is committed to you. Realize that he or she is with you for a reason. These self-affirmations can help you boost your confidence.Seek Reassurance
If you can’t talk yourself out of a jealous funk, perhaps communicating your feelings will help resolve your insecurities. One of the best ways to beat jealousy is to ask your partner for reassurance. Make sure you don’t take an accusatory, nagging, or bullying tone with him or her. Instead, share your feelings of doubt and ask them to help you overcome them.
By communicating your feelings, you can work out solutions together.Get an Objective Opinion
Ask a close friend to take note of your behaviour around your boyfriend or girlfriend. Sometimes, you aren’t fully aware of your actions, especially when emotions like jealousy cloud your judgment. By getting a neutral party’s perspective, it can help you fully understand the extent of your actions.
A good friend will let you know if your behaviour is out of control and destructive.Set Boundaries from the Start
Try establishing some general guidelines at the beginning of the relationship. Let your partner know what is and isn’t acceptable for you. Be careful not to use this piece of advice as a means to control your boyfriend or girlfriend, just let him or her know what makes you tick.
For example, how far is too far when it comes to flirting? Telling your partner what makes you uncomfortable can also help you trust him or her more since you are divulging sensitive feelings.
Taken in a social context, it can refer to a perceived threat to a valued relationship or to its quality. Jealousy may cause someone to be doubtful of his or her partner and feel threatened by his or her interaction with certain people. It involves a fear of losing the other person.
There are different kinds of jealousy and educating yourself on them may help you and your partner develop a stronger relationship.Healthy Jealousy
Jealousy doesn’t necessarily indicate negative connotations in all cases. After all, it is quite natural for men and women to be protective and possessive of the one that they love. In a relationship, when feelings of jealousy are mild and occasional, it reminds the couple not to take each other for granted. It can encourage couples to appreciate one another and make an effort to ensure the other person feels valued.
Having reservations about your significant other going to a strip club, the sight of him or her drooling over an attractive person of the opposite sex, or witnessing him or her flirting with someone else are innocent examples of how jealousy can be a perfectly normal reaction.Destructive Jealousy
Sometimes, jealous feelings can balloon out of proportion. It is a completely different story when jealousy becomes frequent, intense, and irrational. Once you reach this stage, you obsessively begin to question your lover’s loyalty to you and it sends you into a blind rage. You may even try to restrict your partner’s interactions with other people and constantly monitor where he or she goes and what he or she does.
If you can’t control your jealousy, it is bound to be detrimental to your relationship. It eats away at the most important thing holding it together – trust. It can leave your loved one constantly feeling like they are walking on eggshells.
If you find yourself drifting into the realm of harmful and unhealthy jealousy, there are things you can do to prevent it from ruining your current and future relationships.Identify the Root of the Problem
What is causing this unfounded jealousy? You may behave this way because you have been cheated on in the past. This may cause you to be more possessive and controlling in a new relationship for fear of repetition, even if he or she has never given you a reason to be doubtful.
If this is the case, it is important to deal with these feelings and insecurities before you enter a new relationship. Harboring unresolved feelings from past relationships is a sure sign that you aren’t ready for a new one.Give yourself a Reality Check
Focus on what is really happening, not what you perceive to be happening. How realistic is the threat? What evidence do you have that your relationship is in danger? Distinguish fact from fiction.
If you have no solid grounds for feeling jealous, your false accusations will cause a lot of unnecessary strain on the relationship. Don’t let your imagination draw a negative picture of your partner.Positive Self-Talk
Sometimes, you need to give yourself a pep talk. When you start feeling those twinges of jealousy, remind yourself that your partner loves you and is committed to you. Realize that he or she is with you for a reason. These self-affirmations can help you boost your confidence.Seek Reassurance
If you can’t talk yourself out of a jealous funk, perhaps communicating your feelings will help resolve your insecurities. One of the best ways to beat jealousy is to ask your partner for reassurance. Make sure you don’t take an accusatory, nagging, or bullying tone with him or her. Instead, share your feelings of doubt and ask them to help you overcome them.
By communicating your feelings, you can work out solutions together.Get an Objective Opinion
Ask a close friend to take note of your behaviour around your boyfriend or girlfriend. Sometimes, you aren’t fully aware of your actions, especially when emotions like jealousy cloud your judgment. By getting a neutral party’s perspective, it can help you fully understand the extent of your actions.
A good friend will let you know if your behaviour is out of control and destructive.Set Boundaries from the Start
Try establishing some general guidelines at the beginning of the relationship. Let your partner know what is and isn’t acceptable for you. Be careful not to use this piece of advice as a means to control your boyfriend or girlfriend, just let him or her know what makes you tick.
For example, how far is too far when it comes to flirting? Telling your partner what makes you uncomfortable can also help you trust him or her more since you are divulging sensitive feelings.
HOW TO TURN A WOMAN ON - MAKE HER WANT YOU
It’s tough to make an impression. In a nightclub, it can feel sleazy; on a date, it’s hard to avoid awkwardness. So what can men to do to turn women on and leave them lustfully craving more? Here are of 5 ideas that only a woman with ice in her veins could ignore.
Bold Banter
What I Mean: A little playful teasing can be the hugest turn on. Women don’t like to be agreed with about everything we say (no matter what you’ve heard!).
Why It Works: Some titilating but harmless arguing allows the man to push the woman’s buttons and vice versa. The power struggle heats up the sexual tension and draws you two together. I mean, what’s more intimate than a lovers' quarrel?
A word of warning, there is a big difference between teasing a woman about being lost in your eyes and about her weight. Don’t be a jerk, just don’t be a pushover either.
Women say they hate to be told what to do, but it can actually be quite arousing. It’s a sexy challenge. You tell her she’ll be tearing your clothes off later, she can’t help but picture that image – even if she denies it. You think the lady doth protest too much? Most likely.
Lingering Looks
What I Mean: If there is some sort of group dynamic, or if you are dancing together, and you glance her way and just hold this gaze – shivers. Eyes say a lot and really sexy men know exactly how to put what they are thinking out there.
Why It Works: It makes her feel like she is the only woman in the room. It is so hot to feel someone’s eyes on you when you know what they are thinking. Again, the sexual tension is kicked up big time.
From one look, you could leave her dying inside wondering and waiting for what the two of you can do when you actually are alone.
Masculine Manners
What I Mean: Who would think politeness could be an aphrodisiac? But take my word for it, holding doors, pulling out chairs, compliments – even if she laughs them off, she’s impressed.
Why It Works: It’s rare to be treated with respect and like a lady these days! The reason it’s so sexy is because it really calls attention to your roles as men and women. Like Ron Burgundy said to his date: “You be a woman. I’ll be a man”.
For whatever reason, calling attention to the obvious can be really hot. And all this gentle courtship is really so you can impress her right? So while the man is acting like he’s in charge, the woman gets to feel like she is calling the shots. Not to mention the sexy contradiction of all this gentlemanly gallantry with whatever sinful thoughts might be going on in your minds.
Subtle Strokes
What I Mean: Women are fondled unnecessarily on pretty much a daily basis so if we’re out on a date and there is more groping to contend with, that is a huge turn off.
Try a different approach. The old “reverse pyschology” works pretty well in this area. A man who can really hold back and just lightly brush her hair off her shoulder or softly caress her leg is going to find himself with a woman wanting more, more, more.
Why It Works: It’s a clear case of wanting what you can’t have. Being out with a guy who is not doing all about bumping and grinding can be a refreshing but strangely frustrating experience.
The less you touch her, the more she will want it! Especially when teased with a gentle hand on hers or a slight brush of her leg. She will tremble and sensual thoughts will be hard to escape.
Whispered Words
What I Mean: Tell her she’s beautiful, tell her she turns you on – quietly. This too makes her feel like you are the only ones in the room. It’s especially sexy if you do it when there are a ton of people around and there’s no real way for her to respond.
Why It Works: All this pent up sexual tension will leave her ready to explode. Women are auditory creatures and hearing your naughty little thoughts will leave us so shaken we won’t be able to concentrate on anything else.
Words are powerful and as long as you don’t overdo it with porno type cheesiness, she’ll be unable to resist your steamy suggestions. Even a simple “I want to kiss you right now” will cause a rush of desire – if she wasn’t thinking about sex before, there’s no chance she’s ignoring that tantalizing tidbit.
Bold Banter
What I Mean: A little playful teasing can be the hugest turn on. Women don’t like to be agreed with about everything we say (no matter what you’ve heard!).
Why It Works: Some titilating but harmless arguing allows the man to push the woman’s buttons and vice versa. The power struggle heats up the sexual tension and draws you two together. I mean, what’s more intimate than a lovers' quarrel?
A word of warning, there is a big difference between teasing a woman about being lost in your eyes and about her weight. Don’t be a jerk, just don’t be a pushover either.
Women say they hate to be told what to do, but it can actually be quite arousing. It’s a sexy challenge. You tell her she’ll be tearing your clothes off later, she can’t help but picture that image – even if she denies it. You think the lady doth protest too much? Most likely.
Lingering Looks
What I Mean: If there is some sort of group dynamic, or if you are dancing together, and you glance her way and just hold this gaze – shivers. Eyes say a lot and really sexy men know exactly how to put what they are thinking out there.
Why It Works: It makes her feel like she is the only woman in the room. It is so hot to feel someone’s eyes on you when you know what they are thinking. Again, the sexual tension is kicked up big time.
From one look, you could leave her dying inside wondering and waiting for what the two of you can do when you actually are alone.
Masculine Manners
What I Mean: Who would think politeness could be an aphrodisiac? But take my word for it, holding doors, pulling out chairs, compliments – even if she laughs them off, she’s impressed.
Why It Works: It’s rare to be treated with respect and like a lady these days! The reason it’s so sexy is because it really calls attention to your roles as men and women. Like Ron Burgundy said to his date: “You be a woman. I’ll be a man”.
For whatever reason, calling attention to the obvious can be really hot. And all this gentle courtship is really so you can impress her right? So while the man is acting like he’s in charge, the woman gets to feel like she is calling the shots. Not to mention the sexy contradiction of all this gentlemanly gallantry with whatever sinful thoughts might be going on in your minds.
Subtle Strokes
What I Mean: Women are fondled unnecessarily on pretty much a daily basis so if we’re out on a date and there is more groping to contend with, that is a huge turn off.
Try a different approach. The old “reverse pyschology” works pretty well in this area. A man who can really hold back and just lightly brush her hair off her shoulder or softly caress her leg is going to find himself with a woman wanting more, more, more.
Why It Works: It’s a clear case of wanting what you can’t have. Being out with a guy who is not doing all about bumping and grinding can be a refreshing but strangely frustrating experience.
The less you touch her, the more she will want it! Especially when teased with a gentle hand on hers or a slight brush of her leg. She will tremble and sensual thoughts will be hard to escape.
Whispered Words
What I Mean: Tell her she’s beautiful, tell her she turns you on – quietly. This too makes her feel like you are the only ones in the room. It’s especially sexy if you do it when there are a ton of people around and there’s no real way for her to respond.
Why It Works: All this pent up sexual tension will leave her ready to explode. Women are auditory creatures and hearing your naughty little thoughts will leave us so shaken we won’t be able to concentrate on anything else.
Words are powerful and as long as you don’t overdo it with porno type cheesiness, she’ll be unable to resist your steamy suggestions. Even a simple “I want to kiss you right now” will cause a rush of desire – if she wasn’t thinking about sex before, there’s no chance she’s ignoring that tantalizing tidbit.
HOW TO REKINDLE A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP
A happy, long-term relationship is great and something we all want. However, even the best and happiest long term relationships can suffer from routine sex.
The sex might be good, but it is not what it used to be nor is it everything that it could be. While you might be content, what you really want is a way to spice things up and turn your good sex life into a fantastic sex life – and keep it that way.Be Spontaneous
If you want it, do it. I don’t mean drop whatever you are doing and have sex wherever you happen to be when the urge strikes you – that might be inadvisable, particularly if you happen to be in public, or surrounded by children.
Instead, let sex sometimes take priority over other trivial things that you normally would want to get done first. If you can afford the time, be ten minutes late to work because you were having a morning quicky. If you are cleaning up, watching television, or paying bills stop what you are doing, put it out of your mind and give into your desires.
If it can wait – and most often it really can – then let it wait.Try Something New
This applies to what you do in the bedroom as much as to time spent out of it. Outside of the bedroom try doing something that both of you have never done before. Go sky diving, rock climbing, try new food, take dance lessons, travel. Spending exciting quality time together serves to cement your bond and makes physical intimacy that much more fulfilling.
In the bedroom, spend some time talking candidly about your fantasies, old and new. Try your best not to judge each other so that you can both be as open as possible. At the same time don’t be afraid to say that you are uncomfortable with something, but express this in a non-judgmental way in terms of personal preference rather than a put down.
Don’t say: “Ewww what kind of weirdo would want that? I can’t believe I’ve been dating you for (fill in the blank)!” Try to say: “Interesting, but just not my thing.”
Once you have found something new you both want to try, explore it fully and enjoy!Dress Up
Once you’ve found someone it’s easy to slack off in terms of your physical appearance. While it’s healthy to be able to be around someone with bad hair in crummy clothes, it’s equally important to take some time every now and again to try.
You might want to wear something sexy to bed, work on toning your body, or get dressed up for a night out on the town.Compliment Each Other
Pretty much everyone likes to be told they are good-looking. Some are more modest than others but you would be hard pressed to find someone who truly dislikes being told that they are attractive.
Compliments help build self-esteem and a more confident lover will be more likely to try new and exciting things or throw themselves into what they are doing.
Also, giving compliments helps both partners feel appreciated, needed and loved. Often, once you have been with someone for a while it is easy to forget to compliment them as often as you used to, the rationale being something along the lines of: “well I told them before and they know it”.
It’s always pleasant to be reminded and to be reassured of the fact that your lover feels as attracted to you now as they did on day one.Teasing & Foreplay
Don’t always get right to it. Sometimes, getting what you want right away can be tremendously satisfying. However, if you are always instantly satisfied, you might begin to take sex and your partner for granted. You will begin to feel entitled and sex will become just something you expect.
In order to prevent this from happening, or remedy it once it has, build up to the moment. Tease each other throughout the day. Express desire without immediately fulfilling it. Once you have each other alone, cuddle, kiss and make out for as long as you can before actually getting down to business.Forget About the Bed
This pretty much means have sex anywhere but on your bed. Try the floor, a chair, the kitchen table, the shower, or if you are feeling particularly risqué, do it outside.
I’ve heard some pretty bizarre locations mentioned, among them: the mall after hours, a tree in a field, on a building, a forest and a golf course at night. It’s not necessary to go quite so extreme; the main point is to explore intimacy in a location that you would not normally.
The sex might be good, but it is not what it used to be nor is it everything that it could be. While you might be content, what you really want is a way to spice things up and turn your good sex life into a fantastic sex life – and keep it that way.Be Spontaneous
If you want it, do it. I don’t mean drop whatever you are doing and have sex wherever you happen to be when the urge strikes you – that might be inadvisable, particularly if you happen to be in public, or surrounded by children.
Instead, let sex sometimes take priority over other trivial things that you normally would want to get done first. If you can afford the time, be ten minutes late to work because you were having a morning quicky. If you are cleaning up, watching television, or paying bills stop what you are doing, put it out of your mind and give into your desires.
If it can wait – and most often it really can – then let it wait.Try Something New
This applies to what you do in the bedroom as much as to time spent out of it. Outside of the bedroom try doing something that both of you have never done before. Go sky diving, rock climbing, try new food, take dance lessons, travel. Spending exciting quality time together serves to cement your bond and makes physical intimacy that much more fulfilling.
In the bedroom, spend some time talking candidly about your fantasies, old and new. Try your best not to judge each other so that you can both be as open as possible. At the same time don’t be afraid to say that you are uncomfortable with something, but express this in a non-judgmental way in terms of personal preference rather than a put down.
Don’t say: “Ewww what kind of weirdo would want that? I can’t believe I’ve been dating you for (fill in the blank)!” Try to say: “Interesting, but just not my thing.”
Once you have found something new you both want to try, explore it fully and enjoy!Dress Up
Once you’ve found someone it’s easy to slack off in terms of your physical appearance. While it’s healthy to be able to be around someone with bad hair in crummy clothes, it’s equally important to take some time every now and again to try.
You might want to wear something sexy to bed, work on toning your body, or get dressed up for a night out on the town.Compliment Each Other
Pretty much everyone likes to be told they are good-looking. Some are more modest than others but you would be hard pressed to find someone who truly dislikes being told that they are attractive.
Compliments help build self-esteem and a more confident lover will be more likely to try new and exciting things or throw themselves into what they are doing.
Also, giving compliments helps both partners feel appreciated, needed and loved. Often, once you have been with someone for a while it is easy to forget to compliment them as often as you used to, the rationale being something along the lines of: “well I told them before and they know it”.
It’s always pleasant to be reminded and to be reassured of the fact that your lover feels as attracted to you now as they did on day one.Teasing & Foreplay
Don’t always get right to it. Sometimes, getting what you want right away can be tremendously satisfying. However, if you are always instantly satisfied, you might begin to take sex and your partner for granted. You will begin to feel entitled and sex will become just something you expect.
In order to prevent this from happening, or remedy it once it has, build up to the moment. Tease each other throughout the day. Express desire without immediately fulfilling it. Once you have each other alone, cuddle, kiss and make out for as long as you can before actually getting down to business.Forget About the Bed
This pretty much means have sex anywhere but on your bed. Try the floor, a chair, the kitchen table, the shower, or if you are feeling particularly risqué, do it outside.
I’ve heard some pretty bizarre locations mentioned, among them: the mall after hours, a tree in a field, on a building, a forest and a golf course at night. It’s not necessary to go quite so extreme; the main point is to explore intimacy in a location that you would not normally.
HOW TO MAKE A MAN FALL DEEPLY IN LOVE WITH YOU
There is a lot of talk among women about finding Mr. Right, and there seems to be a common consensus that finding him is a near impossible task. A Woman who is perceived to have found him is envied and bombarded with questions as to how she landed him. The problem with this Mr. Right theory is that it implies that women are automatically Ms. Rights. Unfortunately, this is not true. We are not all wonderful, innocent, drama-free damsels waiting patiently for our Mr. Right. It’s hard to admit, but women are capable of doing just as much lying, cheating, and gaming as men.
If you expect to find a man that is free from game- playing, lying, cheating, and deceiving, be committed to being that kind of person yourself. Make a conscious effort to treat others with respect. Decide to be open and honest with others, decide to share and give of yourself, and decide to live up to the truthfulness and righteousness in which you believe. The closer you move toward becoming Ms. Right the sooner you will attract Mr. Right because people of like mines, words, and deeds are drawn to one another.
I remember when I realized that the game playing in my life had to stop. I moved to a new city with the belief that if I got away from the bad influences in my life (i.e. “bad men”) everything would be great. However, within one month of living in my new city I had attracted the same old drama. I quickly realized that although my environment had changed I had stayed the same, and had created all the same turmoil within a very short period of time.
I began the slow and steady progression toward being a better person. Two years later I married a great man, and we have been in a twelve- year marriage that is sincere, respectful, and free of game playing. Not to imply that we have not hurt each other because we have. It’s hard to avoid hurting each other in any relationship. However, we come together in respect and honesty to work out our problems, and try really hard to be the best we can be for each other. We own our emotions, and share how we feel with the knowledge that it may get ugly at times, but we can get through it.
Stirring it up: Observe how you interact with the men in your life. Think about what you might be with holding, hiding, sneaking, lying about, cheating, and the games you may be playing. In your heart, you will recognize right from wrong because God made it so. The next time you feel like what you are about to do is wrong do not give in. Do what is right! Then ask yourself what motivated you to want to do wrong. Why did you feel justified to do the wrong thing? It is not because you are a bad person it probably has more to do with emotions like fear, anger, frustration, envy or disappointment. Remember it is okay to feel these emotions because God made them, but it is not okay to react destructively because of what you feel.
HOW TO MAKE A WOMAN FALL DEEPLY IN LOVE WITH YOU
"I have a nice car. I'm accomplished. My A List CV make the next guy look funky. I even wear the latest Armani! Why doesn't she flip for me? Why am I always alone?"
STOP!
How many times did you pound the dashboard of your Corvette bewailing this persistent question?
The avenue to Romance is littered with roadkill hearts and unrequited love. If you think you're unique in your loneliness, think again. There is enough dashboard pounding out there to start a global orchestra of dire distress.
But don't despair. Before you spin out of control, deploy the airbags fast. These strategic maneuvers should cruise you back on track:
1) Dress to Kill - all the time: No I don't intend that You wear that $5000 suit to the grocers or the Rolex to walk the dog. What I want you to do is is to dress decently each time you hit the streets. Dab on some cologne. Be neatly shaven. Men, women are everywhere. If you dress with flash only at the bar or the party, you're missing out on 95% of eligible women. Some of the best relationships were forged during chance encounters at the bus stop.
2) Bedroom Eyes - When exploring new relationships with that sexy stranger, intensify the eye contact. Lock deep into her pupils. Let the rest of the world disappear even as a horde of supermodels troop by. You will naturally thrill her with the attention as she experiences the tendrils of growing attraction. Ethnologists have a term for it, the copulatory gaze. Get your eyes even sexier by enlarging your pupils. Dr. Hess concluded that dilated pupils are far far more attractive to women after he presented hundreds of assorted pictures of men to test subjects. How does one get the pupils popping? Simply gaze at the most alluring parts of her face and fill your mind with loving caring thoughts. Your pupils naturally grow, endowing you with irresistible eyes.
3) Visual Caress - Get your eyes do some facial traveling as you chat. Linger a bit on the nose, traipse across the eyes and rest at the lips. Drink in her facial features as though you were admiring the Mona Lisa. She will delight in the attention!
4) Easter Eggs - Stumped at having nothing to say? Listen carefully for easter eggs as you talk. These are unusual words of phrases that she utters. Ask her to expound on it. Say "What's the story behind that?" or "How do you feel about that?". Women love to be probed for their opinions and their feelings. Gently bring out her emotions with sensitive open-ended questions.
5) Keep it Adrenaline Charged - Men talk facts: stock figures, bill payments, and boring engine specs. Women are different. They delight in FEELINGS TALK: how the new dress takes them to 7th heaven, how that special meal got them all giddy with ecstasy, how their shopping expedition drains their deepest problems away. Leverage this by steering away from facts talk. Pick out emotionally charged subjects and ask her how she especially relates to them. You'll be her new confidant!
I know what you're thinking. It's all common sense! That's true, but ask yourself this: how many of you
MARRIAGE CAN CURE DEPRESSION
With apologies to about thousands of stand up comedians, marriage may be the cure for depression, rather than the cause of it.In fact, researchers say, people who experience depression before they get married are the most likely to get emotional health benefits from marriage.
Using a depression scale whose scores ranged from zero to 84, the researchers found that the scores of depressed people went down by almost 8 points after marriage, while those who weren't depressed had just under a 2-point drop after marriage.
Even the study authors were surprised by their findings. "We thought people who were depressed would be less likely to benefit from marriage than others," said study co-author Kristi Williams, an assistant professor of sociology at Ohio State University in Columbus. "We thought depression would put a strain on the marriage."
Williams and her co-author, Adrianne Frech, a doctoral student at Ohio State, presented the results of their study August. 13 at the annual meeting of the American Sociological Association, in Montreal.
This research comes on the heels of another study that found that people who never marry had a greater chance of dying early than people who were married. In fact, people who'd never married had an even higher risk of early death than people who were divorced, separated or widowed, suggesting that marriage confers some sort of health benefit, even if it doesn't work out.
Using data from the National Survey of Families and Households, the Ohio State researchers gathered information on more than 3,000 people who were single at the start of the study in 1987-88. The survey participants were interviewed again sometime between 1992 and 1994.
To assess whether or not people were depressed, they were asked 12 questions, such as how many days in the past week they "felt like they could not shake off the blues, "felt lonely," or "slept restlessly."
About 29 percent were depressed at the start of the study, according to Williams.
During the second part of the study, they gathered information on who had gotten married and reassessed depression.
Williams said at that time, 30 percent of those who remained unmarried were depressed, while only 26 percent of those who got married were depressed.
The researchers found that those who were depressed seemed to gain the most mental health benefits from getting married, with depressed people enjoying nearly a six-point higher reduction in their depression scores after marriage than non-depressed people.
"We actually found the opposite of what we expected. We thought depressed people would be less likely to benefit from marriage because the depression of one spouse can put a strain on the marriage and undermine marital quality," Frech said in a prepared statement.
As to why depressed people may enjoy more benefits from matrimony, Williams theorized, "We think that depressed people may have more to gain from the emotional support and close intimate ties that come with marriage."
That doesn't mean people who aren't depressed won't have happy marriages, Williams quickly added: "If you start out happy, you don't have as far to go."
The findings don't mean that depressed people should substitute marriage for depression treatment either, she said.
"This was just an average association," said Williams. "We're not saying that depressed individuals should run out and get married."
"Clearly, one should not look upon these results as recommending that depressed people should get married," said Dr. Charles Goodstein, a clinical professor of psychiatry at the New York University School of Medicine in New York City. "The likelihood is strong that such a marriage might fall apart."
But, he added, these study results suggest that depressed people stand to gain more from marriage. "At the very least, the depressed person gets the sense that there's someone who cares about them."
However, Goodstein also pointed out that this particular survey may not accurately assess depression.
"Depression is a much more complicated matter than can be diagnosed on a survey. There is such a wide range of what we call depression, and many people can pass through society without being seen as depressed," he said.
Williams agreed that the survey used in this study can't be used to diagnose individual depression, but said it was designed to give an estimate of depression in a community population.
THE BEST WAYS TO MEET A MAN TO DATE
1. Do not develop hard-and-fast rules about the ways you’re willing to go about your search. Some women, for instance, have a policy against being fixed up. But you need to be flexible and willing to experiment with a variety of strategies, particularly if you find yourself in a drought. My theory has always been that a winning prospect only comes around every six to seven blind dates, so you may have to chitchat with five chumps in order to get there. You also need to be flexible about the places you go to meet guys. If you head to the same bars all the time, you’re going to see the same old guys or the same type. There are always interesting new ways to meet men, and you need to keep your ear to the ground to hear what’s hot at a given moment. It keeps changing. One minute networking cocktail parties are all the rage, and the next something else is. I heard lately, for instance, that day spas are starting to offer times when singles can mingle.2. Be unashamedly proactive and methodical. Cold-hearted calculation doesn’t seem like a very magical approach to meeting the love of your life, but there will be plenty of time for magic once you’re dating. Tell yourself that you will do at least two specific things every week to facilitate your quest. And when opportunities present themselves, make things happen rather than just allowing them to unfold. For instance, if you see a hotty and there doesn’t seem to be an easy way to meet him, accidentally bump into him, for God’s sake.
3. If you are going to a party, bar or event, don’t travel in huge wolf packs of women. It’s hard to break into a group that size, plus it’s easy for a guy to think that the moment he turns around after talking to you, all the other chicks are going to laugh hysterically about a comment he made or even the pants he’s wearing. Two is an OK number (you and a friend), but three is even better because one friend has a pal to talk to if you start chatting someone up.
4. Avoid being too glam. When you’re all dolled up, you may feel like a man magnet, but guys are often put off by too much product. Lots of makeup and tons of designer labels scream high-maintenance, and guys don’t like that. One other tip: Consider wearing something that could be a conversation-starter, like a t-shirt with something funny written on it or a faux-fur vest that a guy may ask to touch.
5. Have a drink in your hand. We once had a girl write a piece about her experience being a wing woman someone hired by shy guys to chat up women in bars and then introduce them. She provided a great tip: Don’t stand around empty-handed. If you’re holding a drink, a guy won’t feel he has to immediately buy one for you. But then later, if things are going well, ordering you a refill gives him something positive to do.
6. Do not be too coy. Guys, as we know, like the chase. But if you seem too elusive, guys won’t approach. These days, men shy away from the slightest chance of rejection. So what’s a coy move that works? Make eye contact with an object of desire, hold for three seconds, and then look away. Repeat. If he’s interested, you’ve given him a pretty clear signal that it’s safe to head your way. Once you’re talking to a guy, you don’t want to be all over him. But let him know in a more subtle manner that you’re interested for instance, by laying your hand on his arm when you make a point.
7. When there is an adorable guy suddenly in your path, don’t be so worried about saying the perfect thing that you end up saying nothing at all. As long as you seem friendly, you’ll be OK, so just get something out. Asking for help is a surefire conversation-starter. If you’re in an electronics store, try “Excuse me, could you tell me the difference between LCD and plasma screen TVs?” Humor can work, too. If you’re standing by an elevator, you could slyly say, “I hear that pressing the button 20 or 30 times actually does make it come faster.” Another good trick: playfully polling a guy. An example: “I’m taking a survey for the bar. Did you have to drive more than five miles to get here?” You could also come up with a question about yourself, like: “Do you think I should get blue contact lenses?”
8. Be positive. A few years ago I arranged for a single friend of mine to sit next to a hot guy at a charity dinner. Through the night, I watched them from my table and I had every reason to believe things were going well. But later the guy told me that my friend had offered up an endless stream of negative riffs. She hated the subway, her boss, teacup dogs, e.t.c. She thought that confessing things she didn’t like was a way of bonding with him, but guys are turned off by negativity.
9. Really hear what he has to say. When you’re nervous, it’s easy to become overly self-conscious. You might ask a guy you’ve just met plenty of questions, but be so worried about what to say next that you don’t pay close attention to his answers. Here’s a trick to help you focus: Wait a few beats after he says something and think about what he’s said. Then allow your next comment or question to really play off what he’s told you.
QUESTIONS TO ASK ON YOUR NEW FIRST DATE
1. What is your favorite scene from your favorite book or movie?Talking about mass media and pop culture can clue you in to similar interests and world views. “Books, movies, and music all transmit powerful messages of hope or emotion,” says Hogan. “If you have radically different preferences, there may be some fundamental differences between the way the two of you look at the world.” But asking your date to name his or her favorite scene can help you distill what’s important to him or her beyond just genre.
2. What do you love about your job?
The standard, “What do you do?” is a closed question that doesn’t reveal much about a person other than a job title. But if you phrase the career question a bit differently, you can delve into your date’s likes and dislikes; reveal his or her strengths; see how he or she handles conflict; and find out how happy this person is with life overall. Think about the different impressions you’ll form if your date answers the question, “Knowing that I’m helping people fulfill their dream” versus “Deciding what to order for lunch!”
3. What is your definition of a relationship?
Granted, it takes a bit of build up to ask this question (usually, once you begin discussing your dating histories, you can slip this one in), but it’s worth asking. Does your date want to be wined and dined, or are you both looking for a 50/50 relationship? It’s too soon to know what this specific potential relationship will look like, but a question like this lets you share your expectations and fundamental beliefs. “I like to ask this question early on, because I’ve found that some women I’ve dated didn’t know what they wanted out of our relationship,” says Mario Webb of Ft. Walton Beach, FL. “They came into it just hoping things work out without telling me what they expect. Needless to say, things haven’t worked out.” And if your date’s answer is outside the range of what you consider acceptable, you’ve saved yourself future heartbreak by finding out before you fall for him or her.
4. If money were no object, what would you do with your life?
This tried-and-true icebreaker showcases your date’s hopes, dreams, and even regrets topics that often remain untouched by even serious romantic partners. The answers can range from a desire to travel to going back to school to learning how to play the violin. Two buttoned-up stockbrokers might discover they both share a secret longing to be athletes or a shared devotion to public service. Your date’s response will help clue you in to common goals and interests that go beyond what you do on a day-to-day basis.
5. Will you share an embarrassing moment with me?
This fun question is great to ask when a date has gotten a little tense or quiet, because it reveals both details of your date’s history and his or her character. Just know that you may have to share an awkward experience first in order to make your date feel comfortable. “One of the great things is that our humanity is a bonding thing,” says Hogan. “Our ability to laugh at ourselves is critical in a budding relationship.” So make it clear that you’re not looking for dirt on that plagiarism incident in 11th grade, but rather something goofy, like the time you drove a golf cart into the water, installed a chandelier upside-down and so forth.
10 REASONS WHY BEING SINGLE IS GREAT
Reason #1: You have a better body.We have all been there you get into a relationship, and suddenly you’re trying out new recipes all the time and cuddling instead of exercising. Well, things tend to get worse with marriage. A recent Cornell University study found that women generally gain five to eight pounds in the first few years of marriage and unhappily married women gain an average of 54 pounds in the first 10 years.
For the unmarried, though, the motivation to stay slim remains: “Singles look at themselves through the eyes of others and want to be attractive to potential partners,” says Susan Davis, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in New York City, “so they’re still ‘working on themselves.’” In short, being single is way better than any New Year’s resolution or exercise DVD to motivate you to stay in shape.
Reason #2: You’re more likely to achieve great things.
It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you have the time, the quiet and the lack of familial responsibilities. In fact, your premarital motivation to excel in life may be biologically programmed. According to a study conducted at the London School of Economics and Political Scientists, male scientists who stay single longer peak in their careers later in life and tend to be more productive than their married counterparts. Researchers theorize that men, in general, may show off their talents to win the interest of women and then, once they’ve won a wife, get comfortable and do less. In fact, studies have shown that testosterone levels, which boost action, decrease after a man gets married and has children. So single folk should know they are primed to achieve whether that means turbo-charging their careers or honing their rock-climbing skills and get out there and work it!
Reason #3: You do less housework.
You know that saying about a tree falling in a forest and there’s no one there to hear it? Well, if you leave a sock on the floor but there’s no one else there to see it, does it really need to be picked up? If you’re a single woman, you can contemplate deep questions like this one because you have more free time. According to one study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, women do less housework when single than when married. Men, on the other hand, do more housework when unmarried (that’s probably because there’s someone picking up after them once they’re wed…). So the message here is for unmarried women to enjoy their less chore-filled life; fill those free hours with classes, good books, blabbing with friends whatever makes you happy.
Reason #4: You can do what you want with your money including keep it.
Go ahead: Splurge on that pricey moisturizer or that obscenely large plasma TV you’ve been lusting after. You don’t have to justify your purchase to anyone but yourself. Once you mix money with marriage, though, things change and fast. According to a survey by Smart Money magazine, 40 percent of women and 36 percent of men have lied to their spouses about a purchase. “When you’re single, your finances are your own,” explains Phyllis Chase, a Los Angeles based psychologist and co-host of the radio show Shrink Rap. “When you’re married, you have to deal with different styles of spending and saving, and you may take on your partner’s debt.” And a marriage that doesn’t make it for the long haul can also have a major negative effect on one’s wealth. According to researchers at Ohio State University’s Center for Human Resource Research, during a divorce, men and women generally lose three-fourths of their personal net worth. Double ouch.
Reason #5: You have better sex.
Married couples may have more sex (approximately 98 times a year vs. singles’ 49), but singles have better sex. According to a recent study published in the British Medical Journal, married women are significantly more likely to report problems with their sex lives than single women. “People who are dating have better sex because it’s novel,” says Davis. “Married people have to relearn how to play. It’s natural for singles because that’s the nature of a courting relationship they tease, they experiment, they explore.” Nature lends a helping hand, too. According to researchers at the University of Pisa in Italy, raging testosterone levels in both men and women makes the sex hotter during the first two years of a relationship. After that, other hormones take over most notably, oxytocin, a bonding chemical, kicks in. While getting connected and comfortable is a positive step in a relationship, long-term lovers have to work harder to keep things hot in the bedroom. Singles, however, sizzle just the way they are.
Reason #6: You’re better rested and smarter.
While snuggling up next to a warm body can be pretty fantastic, according to a survey conducted by the National Sleep Foundation, your bed mate can cause you to lose an average of 49 minutes of sleep per night. Sleeping two to a bed just isn’t as restful as snoozing solo. Other studies confirm that singles generally get more rest seven to eight hours of sleep a night than married couples, which enhances memory, mood and concentration, as well as allows your immune system to recharge. And, according to scientists at the University of Luebeck in Germany, creativity and problem-solving may directly correlate with getting enough sleep. In the study, participants were given a math puzzle; those who’d had eight hours of sleep or more before tackling it were three times more likely to get the right answer than those who slept less. So, singles, revel in the fact that you’re alert, rested and have that extra brain power edge.
Reason #7: You’re less depressed.
Although the media often perpetuates the image of single people being down in the dumps, overall unmarried people tend to be happier than their married counterparts if you’re a woman, that is. One report by the World Health Organization indicated that married women, especially ones with children, have a higher risk for depression than single women, and researchers at the University of London found that single women generally have fewer mental-health issues. “Marriage, in many ways, seems to benefit men more than women,” says Davis. “For women, there’s more of a loss of self.” And, of course, today’s women often feel like they need to do it all have a career, take care of the kids and perform other traditionally “female” responsibilities. “People who aren’t married are still investing in themselves,” says Davis. “It’s not selfish it’s giving to yourself, and that’s something married people can learn from single people.”
Reason #8: You have better friendships.
Significant others are a wonderful thing, no doubt, but friends count, too. And on that front, one study found that, when women get married and have children, they spend much less time with their friends less than five hours a week, down from 14 hours. Singles, however, often have the greatest sense of friendship and community which can actually decrease stress levels, according to researchers at UCLA.
Here's another way to look at this: “Singles don’t rely on just one person to meet their needs. You don’t automatically know who you’re going to spend Friday night with,” says Sasha Cagen, author of Quirky alone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics. “The plus side is that you have a lot of different people in your life and potentially a greater sense of social possibilities.”
Reason #9: Your travel tales are enviable.
Married couples take the most vacations, dominating the market with 62 percent of all trips taken, but singles arguably go on more interesting trips. According to the Travel Industry Association of America, singles corner the adventure-travel market, engaging in activities like white water rafting, scuba diving and mountain biking. Being single and relatively footloose certainly allows you to expand your geographical and personal borders. “I have lived abroad, backpacked for close to a year, have been in love three times and much more,” says Courtney Davis, 27, a media-relations manager in Boston. “With every place and every person, my world has expanded.”
Reason #10: You know yourself and what you want out of a relationship.
You are a better catch now than you were at 20. You may have signs of, ahem, experience etched on your face, but that’s OK because you’re more interesting and more self-aware. Not only have you grown as a person, but you’ve probably been through the ringer a few times in matters of love and now know what you want and what you don’t. Experts say that bodes well for future marital success and may actually decrease the likelihood of divorce. “When people get married young, they often feel like the other person will complete them, and they have trouble moving past that Hollywood myth,” explains Chase. “But maturity brings so much, because if you’re able to communicate who you are and what you want, the better your chances of having a successful marriage.” And that’s a wonderful message: Your single self is great... and should you find the right person and decide to marry, you’re more likely to thrive in that stage of your life, too.
HOW TO KNOW THAT YOUR GIRLFRIEND WILL SOON DUMP YOU
Given the natural variation of human beings when it comes to their actions, beliefs and tastes, it is tricky to pin down specific reasoning behind specific behavior.While women cling to the belief that men's actions are downright indecipherable, I don't believe we women are much easier to navigate. That being said, any man deserves a cheat sheet when it comes to finding out if his girlfriend wants out of their relationship.
Knowing our capacity for mood swings and PMS induced outbursts, it may be hard to tell whether we've had a bad day, or we just really want to get out. If anything, you'll avoid a situation that too closely resembles Matt Damon dumping Minnie Driver on national television.
She's Distant – all the time
We all experience moments of distraction, but when your partner is in a constant state of unavailability, it might be a clue to her desire for a break. Many women feel guilty about wanting to break off a relationship and may choose to ignore those inclinations by ignoring you.
It's often easier to be confrontational when fighting about the relationship, if the underlying belief is that you're fighting for the greater good of the relationship itself. If she's given up all hope of saving the union, making eye contact with you and giving you her full attention will only act as reminders of the now-futile relationship.
Essentially, the longer she avoids you, the longer she gets to avoid having that final "talk." Everyone hates the talk.
She's Uninterested in Sex
Unless she really, really enjoys sex, it's very likely that the action between the sheets will wane. Many women have issues separating the emotional aspects of sex from the physical aspects of sex, and therefore may be not be inclined to get physical with someone they are starting to abhor.
If she never really enjoyed sex and only engaged in it to please you – yes, this can be the case sometimes – she certainly won't be willing to do so now that her interests have flown elsewhere. If the idea of breaking your heart is painful to her, she won't want to engage in an act defined by intimate coupling.
She Criticizes you
Whether she criticizes you in the name of saving the relationship, or just to annoy you, either action can be dubbed typical of a woman who wants out. Very much like men, there are some women who will willingly adopt undesirable traits with the hope that their partner will take it upon themselves to call it quits. This saves the woman (or man) from having to cope with the confrontation of breaking up and the guilt associated with being the perpetrator.
No one enjoys being criticized and she knows that sooner or later, you'll get fed up and crack.
She Starts Dating Someone Else
While this might appear ridiculously obvious, it is undertaken for the sake of those boyfriends who just can't seem to comprehend that the relationship is over and done with. Women who immediately take up with another man after the breakup (or even during its final moments) are without a doubt screaming at you, "it's over!" They're hoping against hope that the physical presence of another man will cause send the message that anything between the two of you is done with.
This category also applies to women who are in fact, cheating. Emotionally unfulfilled or tired of your own cheating, women are almost as likely as men to seek their fulfillment elsewhere. While men might attribute their wandering eyes to spontaneous bursts of testosterone, women are more inclined to gain something from their forbidden relationship, whether it's revenge or genuine attraction to another man.
She says She Doesn't Want to See you Anymore
Again a possible no-brainer, there are an assortment of women who will bite the bullet and come right out and say they want to end it. Complications arise when you, the man, start to believe you can save the relationship or change drastically in order to make it function smoothly. But if your girlfriend had the courage to sit down with you – and didn't break up with you over the phone, by e-mail or by text message – chances are she's pretty serious about sticking to it. It might be a good idea to respect her decision.
Of course, all bets are off when she waltzes on up to you at the bar the week after, drunk as a skunk, and whispers dirty things in your ear. Ex-girlfriend etiquette is a whole other ball game.
HOW TO HANDLE A BREAK UP AFTER YOU GET DUMPED
So, you have been dumped. While you are well aware that you are better off without him or her, there is an aching pain in your heart that misses them and wishes you were still together. Perhaps you just miss the routine and convenience of doing things together and don’t know how to keep yourself occupied.Unfortunately, many of us tend to make mistakes when trying to get over a recent break up. This not only prolongs the recovery process but also makes it even more heart breaking to deal with. Figuring out how to manage your time after getting dumped is crucial in order to have a quick recovery and move on with your love life. These lessons are important to follow, so breaking up isn’t so hard to do.Breakup Tip #1Do not: shut yourself away from your friends.
While you may be tempted to lock yourself in a room and listen to sad breakup music, resist the urge. It is also not a good idea to call his or her cell phone to listen to the recorded message repeatedly, or listen to ‘your song.’
Friends can provide supportive advice and make you smile even at your most depressed times. By shutting yourself away in your bedroom you will only elevate your emotional status and feel sorry for yourself.
Give your friends a chance to take you out and talk about it. Whether it is a trip to an ice-cream parlor or to a dance club, a change of scenery can take your mind off your recent breakup. Sometimes friends and fun are the only way to take your mind off negative experiences.
Remember, everyone has been through rejection at some point in their life and talking about your experiences with people you trust can make hard times more tolerable.Breakup Tip #2
Do: Hide old pictures and banish the stuffed animals he/she gave to you.
This step involves distancing yourself from the symbols that represent your relationship. On top of that, organize all the e mails you sent to one another in a separate folder, titled ‘ignore.’ If you really want to, you can even delete them.
All these items did at one point have sentimental value; however, now you must move on. This step isn’t possible unless you let go of some memories. It isn’t necessarily to burn the pictures of your happy couple days but piling them into a shoe box out of your direct view will help you forget about your ex-partner. Some degree of separation is fundamental in moving on with your life. If you keep staring at pictures of the happy couple days, you will only be reminiscing about the past – unable to move on to the future.Breakup Tip #3
Do not: Throw eggs at his car, kidnap her dog or leave nasty messages on his answering machine.
Okay, so that may be a little more than you would do anyway, but you get the idea.
Being mature is a difficult task when dealing with a breakup. However, regardless of how the relationship ended, refrain from scheming creative ways to make their life miserable. Getting dumped sucks, but try to look at the situation from a positive perspective: If your partner didn’t really care about you, then the relationship was not worth it and it’s time to move on with your love life.
Now, put the cap back on the permanent marker and move away from his car.Breakup Tip #4
Do: Give new people a chance to get to know you.Everyone needs a transition period of being alone after a breakup. This is often referred to as being ‘on the rebound.’ However, dwelling on your past breakup for too long can make you feel lonely and depressed. During the recovery process, sometimes the sooner you meet another partner, the sooner you can forget about what happened in the past and give love another chance.
Spending your evenings alone, in fear of being dumped again is not only a waste of time but it also gives your former mate the satisfaction to observe that you are still heartbroken. Getting back into the dating world is an important step in moving on with your life.
After dealing with a breakup, you might be more selective in the type of man/woman you are looking for and your standards might be elevated to a new level. Good for you! Use the experience and everything you have learned about yourself to meet someone who is perfect for you.
Remember love takes time
Letting your heart heal takes time, especially after a heart wrenching breakup. Keep in mind that we are all strong enough to easily recover from a breakup if we truly have the desire to move on.
Men and women often spend too much time figuring out what went wrong in their past relationship. Forget about vandalizing his new convertible or kidnapping her new puppy. Instead, concentrate on what to wear to the singles bar tonight.
HOT TIPS ON HOW TO KISS YOUR LOVER
A kiss is the most basic, yet most important step – some say it's even more meaningful than sex – to expressing feelings of affection between a man and a woman. Since it is the most fundamental aspect of a physical relationship, it is essential that men learn the necessary etiquette when it comes to kissing.So, what is there to learn about how to impress your woman?
Do not Let Your Feelings Overtake You
There is a saying that a man loses his senses after four drinks and a woman loses hers after four kisses. For women, creating a perfect mood for a kiss is just as important, if not more, as the perfect kiss. Men are less concerned about the mood as they are concerned about the actual kiss. That's why so many men make the most horrendous mistake of forcing themselves into their respectful lady to satisfy their desire and to express their love. If you are truly serious about the perfect kiss, then create the perfect mood first.
Do not Rush
As mentioned above, men are often led into thinking that masculinity – strength, forcefulness, abruptness – is what makes them man. Women may be weaker than men in terms of physical strength, but when they are determined that they will not give in, no man can force them into kissing.
If you force your way into kissing, assuming that she, too, is ready and is craving for it when in fact she is not, you risk turning her off. Don't rush and study her carefully. Listen to what she says and watch how she moves until you know it's the right time.
Watch Your Tongue
You love her desperately, but there is no sign of such level of affection on her part. First, create the perfect mood for the kiss. Second, target her tongue. Women are especially sensitive to a French kiss and when she feels the touch of your tongue with her own, she feels that she has given something so meaningful and valuable to you.
At that moment, your tongue can mean the world to her. There is no way that she cannot fall in love with you.
Give Her a Chance
You will never succeed in kissing when it is a one way play. There must be this subtle game of give and take, which makes it all the more sweet and mesmerizing. If you want to enjoy this game, give her a chance to enter the game.
If you put your tongue inside her mouth and stay there without knowing what to do – like a child lost in amusement park – she feels the sudden urge to take over the game.
Softness
Strength is not the only thing that gives pleasure. You must be soft and gentle when you kiss. Men often make the mistake of giving into their own feelings all too easily when they kiss, thereby making woman feel like something is being forced into her.
Be gentle and always watch how she is reacting. Always control your tempo.
Close Your Eyes
It's not a rule, but you should always close your eyes when you kiss. When you leave your eyes open, you lose concentration and you might be led into thinking about other things, which she will eventually notice. Besides, wouldn't you naturally close your eyes when you kiss?
Fresh Breath
Now matter how much she loves you, you are an immediate turnoff when she is met by stinky breath at what is supposed to be a very romantic and memorable moment. Always carry mouthwash or gum – strawberry candy is also good – for the perfect moment.
Be Comfortable With Your Hands
If it's your first kiss with her, you are very likely to be awkward with your posture while you are kissing. The most natural way is to put your hands around her waist or her back.
practice makes perfect
So you've met the perfect moment and all you need to do is to turn those few minutes into an eternity for both her and yourself. We've all dreamed of our first kiss and imagined how it's going to feel, and most of us have already put that into a test.
For those who have not yet experienced the magic of a first kiss, keep in mind that the aforementioned advice is a definite asset.
HOT TO FALL IN LOVE NO MATTER WHAT PEOPLE THINK
Would you like to fall in love? In spite of what everyone else says, do you want to believe love is out there for you? Have you heard how all the good ones are gone, no one wants to make a commitment these days, and everyone is married?There are lots of negative voices that will tell you that love might exist but you will probably never find it. Don't believe them. Here are some of the ways you can fight off the messengers of hollow hope:
* Stay away from conversations that lead to conclusions of hopelessness.
Just because that is someone else's opinion doesn't mean it has to be yours. Look for conversations of possibility that start with words like, "I can," and "I will."
* Resist being manipulated by the media.
The media may whisper or scream that you need to look or act in a certain way in order to attract someone. People who are overweight, bald, past the age of 50 or more, driving a late model car, or wearing '60s polyester suits meet and fall in love every day. So can you.
* Pay attention to selective exposure.
People who feel and think the same way begin to believe that this collective viewpoint is a law. If you think there is no one out there for you and you have gathered unto yourself five or ten friends who think the same way, then you are going to be rooted in this belief, and you will act accordingly. Make a conscious effort to find and hang out with friends who have a belief of possibility and hope.
Build a bank of people who can resist the voices that say all the good ones are gone. In fact, the next time you hear that phrase, stand up and be heard say, "All the good ones can not possibly be gone I'm still here!"
HOW TO FIND YOUR SOUL MATE
Some believe that your destiny will bring you to your soul mate like a magnet pulls metal. Your life will create a series of experiences that will lead you almost innocently to that vital part that will make your life complete. Unfortunately, there is no formula for finding your soul mate. We can only prepare ourselves to recognize that special person when we meet him or her. The preparation is really the key to how soon you can find that person.For this, one must prepare to give oneself away to others and develop a never ending steam of trust within yourself so that you can accept everyone you meet without judgments or fear. Some believe that if one looks deep inside the eyes of another person with complete acceptance and love, one can create new levels of intimacy and spiritual bonding. It is during this quest, where we treat every individual as a potential soul mate, that we will eventually find the one that we are looking for.
Some people confuse this discovery as an endeavor to look for the ultimate romantic partner. Finding your soul mate is a search for wholeness or completion. It may lead to a physical union but it is much beyond mere physical desire. You can feel attracted to many others, but there could only be one person who will fit in perfectly to complete the puzzle of your life.
If you can learn to love unconditionally, abandon yourself to your spiritual desires and accept wholeheartedly the people that God sends in our lives everyday, you will find your soul mate without any doubt.
LOVE SICK ON A NEW ROMANCE
It doesn't get more unstable than this. You feel sick, you can't eat, you don't know what you are thinking and feeling, but you are thinking excessively. You feel happy, you feel sad, you feel unsettled, you worry, you are ecstatic. You want to panic and wish you had said no. What's happening to you? You are in your first four weeks of dating someone.The first thing that can happen with a date is that you feel trepidation before the event. You may have had lots of dates and expect little but are pleasantly surprised. You may have been building up to the date and its gone really well and you are surprised, pleasantly. You may actually feel unhappy and irritated that a first date went well because now you have to give some thought to the situation. Initially then you need to decide if you are going to take it further or whether last night's promises and optimism has changed in the cold light of day. For almost everyone, however good or bad you will feel some trepidation, even if you are walking on the moon.
For many, the days after a first date that went really well will make you feel great. You feel desired, attractive and you realize that someone really likes you who you are attracted to. But - until you have secured a second date you will still feel like you have got it all wrong and that you are mistaken. When that second date is finalized you will again feel great and this is a real test because this time you will be analyzing each other more thoroughly and testing each other in verbal interplay and emotional content in your conversation. Your reliability and your wit will be tested as well as many other extremely subtle facets of your character. At this stage you most certainly should not have had sex!
After the second date is where panic can set in. If you really like this person you will panic and worry that you can lose them before anything has even got going. On the other hand you may like them and panic that it could all be too much too soon and wish to run without finding out. So this is where disaster can begin to intervene on a perfect future. You can quickly come across as overbearing and possessive, even though you haven't got into a relationship yet. So stop calling and stop pondering and ensure you carry on as best u can with a routine. In other words, back off and be cool. Take your time and stop panicking. If you are going to go out, then you will but don't rush it.
If, on the other hand, you are simply not sure about looming intimacy then again take your time and be cool. The pleasure in the first few weeks of dating is in its turmoil and its passion but also in savoring every moment. In a long term relationship these are days hard to repeat so take in the atmosphere of knowing someone new and enjoy the encounters as they happen. A new relationship doesn't have to lead to marriage and commitment so stop thinking too much and simply enjoy your dates as they happen.
There will be many dilemmas in the first few weeks such as your first kiss, where you should go on dates, whether you should phone, what happens if they didn't call when expected, concern things are over already. The you will move on to whether you should invite them in for coffee, what happens if you want to go to bed with them or what happens as your emotions increase. Once again it is about trying to keep the basics in perspective. Your entire day-to-day life can be affected by beginning to like someone and fall in love so the only thing that gives you any structure is your regular daily pattern. Because of this it is crucial to keep as many things regular as possible. Try and sustain your daily regime, including clubs, hobbies and trips to the gym. However one of the beautiful aspects of this initial period is the breaking of that regime to find small intense emotional moments with your new friend.
People often ask me when a date becomes a relationship and I have answered that more fully in a different article but to my own mind the first 4 weeks are crucial in creating a basic foundation on which you can both develop into a relationships. You will have progressed from first date to hopefully. If you live close by you may have stopped counting by now. I can understand that circumstances may prevent regular dating for some, but I do think that if you are wanting a serious relationship to develop, proximity is helpful. In 4 weeks of dating you should have been dating plenty of times and be getting to know the beginnings of each other.
Where dating is very very slow then there is a danger it will never actually fire the main engines for lift off so I actively encourage people to make the most of the dating opportunities presented. You see, when you really like someone, you want to be with them, you want to spend all your time with them to get to know them and understand them and learn to fall in love with them. For this to happen you have to meet very regularly to build up that level of intimacy otherwise you may be wasting your time.
The first 4 weeks are critical as they are the testing time. If you get through this initial period you have a chance of building into a relationship. In my view it is too soon for sex if you are serious but too long for just a couple of meetings. It is the perfect time frame to know whether you are fairly compatible above and beyond the initial physical attraction. A month of dating is a month of happy events and phone calls and memories. If in that period things aren't working out, then you can walk away with no harm done.
You may feel sick and you may feel unsteady, but when we all look back and try and describe what being in love is like, most of us tend to remember the first four weeks when we met and use those feelings to describe how beautifully unsettling everything truly is.
HOW TO FIND A NEW DATE
To find a date so your friends say. Join us for dinner and find a date to bring this weekend they ask you. Where do I begin finding a date? And then you panic! Maybe you just want to find someone for yourself, and it has nothing to do with a social situation. Well done, I am glad. Now that you are in a positive frame of mind, finding a date should not be as daunting as it first sounds. You can perhaps think of seeking out a date as a military campaign, as your life work, or just as part of your everyday relaxed social life routine. You never know, one of these days they may well turn into something more than a date. Well, that’s if that’s what you want of course. In the meantime let us concentrate on the task in hand. Finding any date is never easy that’s true, but it can be relatively easy or hard depending on your attitude to it.First of all, why are you trying to find a date? Are you looking for a date to fulfill a social function? If you are why not just borrow a friend to help you out. Why not even hire a date from one of the many outlets if you can afford it. Now there is a huge difference between hiring a social companion for an event and, well, you know what. Yes I am not in anyway condoning the other. I am simply suggesting that there are professional agencies who can help you pay for a good looking date if that’s the situation. That aside we are concentrating here on those who are looking for a date with the purpose of romance.
Well this is presupposing that you don’t usually meet people and there are not too many of us who never meet anyone. What is true though is that we often believe we don’t meet anyone suitable. Maybe we are a single parent with home responsibilities, or someone who works from home. Perhaps we work unsociable hours and never meet anyone to date. Maybe we work with people much younger or older, or perhaps we really don’t have finely honed social skills. It could be that we are shy, private, quiet in a group or just unwilling to make the first move.
Well whatever the situation you need to take action. The first thing you want to do is top ensure your self esteem is at an all time high. You want to find a date you are going to have a great time with so make them feel special by looking good yourself
- Give yourself a makeover
Buy some new clothes and update your image
Get a new haircut or hairstyle
Get a full beauty treatment and makeover
Visit your dentist and get those teeth looking pearl white
Get a tan and freshen your skin
Get to grips with latest styles and fashions
Treat yourself to a rejuvenating break
Read some new magazines and go shopping just to get the feel
Join a health club and get into a new health routine
Go on a diet and lose a few pounds or kilos if needed.
Take up a martial art or self defense classes
Have an increased positive mental attitude - The next thing you need to do in preparation to find a date is to think long and hard as to what you really hope to achieve and whether you have any fixed aims and time scales. Have a clear idea of the person you are kind of looking for, but do not be too specific. Keep your aim as broad as you can and finding a date will be easier. The other thing I want to point out is to be realistic when looking to find a date. Don’t aim to date a Hollywood superstar if it’s not likely to happen. Keep your feet on the ground and take a long hard look at your own life before walking into someone else’s. If you are a multimillionaire then keep that detail to yourself for now.
Dating Close to Home
Begin by looking close to home. Is there anyone in your neighborhood or family circle who is single with who you get on great. Often, people stay single simply because they are not asked out on a date by anyone, not because they themselves are lonely. It’s time to do the asking. And yes, that includes the good looking people in this world. There are lots of local clubs and activity places including evening classes. It is often the best place to introduce yourself to people of the opposite sex in your local community. Try to choose something that involves both sexes. I once met a fantastic date due to being involved in pottery classes which I greatly enjoyed.
Dating At Work
It is claimed that 87% of people working in London who are attached, met through work or started dating at work. This doesn’t mean that they work together, but that in some way, work brought them into contact. Indeed one of my best friends met his wife through a work related phone call. I do not think personally that dating at work or dating someone within your own office is a good idea due to the possibilities of fallout and neither do I think it is constructive to your career. Relationship tensions within an office can cause problems with other workers and can antagonize work related issues. So on that score I recommend you steer well clear.
However most organization are linked to other firms, there are many offices with many groups of working. If you don’t attend the office parties, then maybe begin. Try joining in after work or attending after work social events, from bowling to trips to the bar or comedy store. It is all about making new friends as much as finding a date.
If you really don’t have many people you work with or work from home like me then you are going to need to look at other ways of extending your social circle.
Get Physical
That’s right, join the gym. To find a date you should look your best. After all if you have set your sights high then doesn’t your potential date deserve the best too? Good, so get down to the local health club and look at the possibilities of getting involved in a regular health regime. If you do so already, expand your horizons and make sure you are not just at a unisex gym. Try other sports and healthy activities from yachting to running to baseball to anything you may not have tried before. You will make fabulous new friends as well as finding a date. And you will be fit.
Ask Your Friends
The most common complaint amongst people who are in their late 20’s and thirties is that all their friends are married. In which case my friends, it is time to adapt. Married friends will not help you find a date. They tell you they will when they can and they may if you are lucky even introduce you in a well meaning way to people who happen to be single. This can work. Double dating can sometimes do the trick. After all you should trust your friends. But more often that not it doesn’t help you find a date because your friends do not necessarily know who you are looking to meet. Really you need to be taking control and finding a date yourself.
In which case you need some single friends. Flash - its easier finding a date with a group of like-minded people. Oh yes. I know your married friends are your longest companions and I know that they may not approve of a group of new single friends, but trying to fond a date alone can be a lot harder than seeing a date with a group of like minded friends. In other words, there is confidence and safety when socializing in numbers. This will in turn open up new places and venues for you to visit. Your confidence levels may well increase exponentially too.
You can find new single friends everywhere. They are at work, close to home, at your clubs in your gym. You simply need to make some new friends and then join in. It is not as hard as you think. If you sat at home you will not find them, if you go out you will. When was the last time you phoned your old friends to catch up? Go do it now.
Join a Club
Activities really do bring people together and create new friends. If you are involved in something like a craft, or hobby, or sport then you are with like minded people already. You have something in common and it is a great icebreaker. If you are not a member of any club then consider what you are interested in and then consider if such an activity will introduce you to others. In most cases it will do. And consider this, there are many people also looking for a date who are also joining clubs for the same reason.
Join a Dating Agency
Dating agencies used to have a stigma attached but not anymore. Now its extremely fashionable finding a date online. Well your friends may suggest this is crazy but why is it? What do they know about it anyway? Nothing, exactly! Dating and finding a date is fun and very enjoyable. After all dating is about meeting new people and searching for a special connection. Dating agencies fall into two camps; traditional and Internet. The first are those traditional dating agencies which help you find a date but charge many hundreds of dollars to offer you the chance of meeting a few people they have manually matched you with in their database. They will then offer you the chance of meeting that person if both agree. It’s slow and long winded but it does work sometimes, though rarely are there guarantees of any kind. The main thing about such dating agencies is that they are often specialized in a certain area, maybe profession or financial level e.t.c Some may concentrate on the medical or legal profession; others may focus on say, executives in a certain region.
Internet Dating Agencies
The second kind of agency is the professional Internet dating and friendship agency accessible from your home PC. Most often, Like True, they are free to register with so that you can see who is in their database. The beauty of Internet dating agencies is that they are instantly accessible and you can search people you match with in private and comfort without spending a penny. You can view online photo Personals to help you find a date and you can take your time.
It is important when seeking a date to choose a reputable Internet dating agency such as www.True.comwhich can provide you not just with personal ads but also a safe and secure environment with advice and articles to read. When you are ready you can make contact with a database member anonymously through onsite e-mail, chat rooms and private instant messaging. Companies like True dating now even include voicemail services so you can listen to a prospective date’s voice.
After paying a small fee, you can communicate with as many members as you wish , safely and securely and very soon you may find that you have arranged not just one date but you have found dates for whenever you like. It is down to you. No standing in singles bars or being hit upon by strangers, or having to think up opening lines. Just convenient and relaxed dating whenever you choose.
If you aim to find a date, you should begin straight away. It is not always easy to take a step like this if you have been out of the dating arena for years. Maybe you have separated or divorce or been bereaved. In which case, do try and lift your spirits and take your romantic life back into your grasp. Think through the ideas I suggest and add some yourself also and maybe now take the initiative. Life is meant for living, but even more importantly, I believe its means for sharing with someone special. Find a date for yourself this week but more importantly, feel good about yourself.
HOW TO MAKE A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WORK
Long-distance relationships can be extremely hard. Not only is it difficult because you can not see or talk to your partner as frequently as usual, but practically everyone you meet will have a horror story about how a long-distance relationship failed for them. I once read that absence diminishes small love and increases great ones. Keep this in mind when you are going through rough times. If you have not yet committed to a long-distance relationship and are contemplating it, know that it is a huge commitment. Make sure that you really love the other person and that it is worth it for you to make certain sacrifices. Below are some guidelines to make it work.1. Be honest about what you expect from each other. Do you want the freedom to date other people? Are you comfortable with your partner making friends with the opposite sex? Are you going to try the long-distance thing out and stick with it if it seems to work, but not try to force the relationship? Discuss these things with your partner and be honest about your expectations. This way, everything is out in the open and it will lessen the suspicions you have about the other person. Also, you never have to question if you are crossing a boundary.
2. Coordinate your schedules. Be realistic about the time commitment you can give each other. If it works for both of your schedules, plan on talking at a particular time at night. However, this can place stress on you if you end up wanting to go out with friends and your long-distance partner is not understanding about your need to be social and branch out, or gets jealous of the time you spend with other people. No matter what, try to keep in touch daily through phone calls, E-mail, AIM, or other means. Download Skype, net2phone, or phonefree. Its free to talk online if you both download programs like these ... no matter where you are. Also, consider a web cam for a more personal connection.
3. Make plans in advance to see each other in person. If you set firm dates to see each other and stick to them, it makes the wait less difficult because you can spend time planning outings with your partner and looking forward to seeing them. When you mutually agree on certain times to see each other, it lessens problems that can arise from one person feeling like they are pressuring the other into seeing them and the other feeling like the are too busy and are pushing away from the relationship because of the pressure.
4. Arrange to participate in long-distance activities together. Meet online to play games against each other or watch a television show at the same time. Also, try “virtual dates” Send you partner an E-mail describing a place (for example, a beach) and a time (dusk). Ask them to describe what kind of date they would have with your in this setting ,what you would wear, talk about, eat, what activities you would take part in, etc. Doing little activities like this together helps you to reconnect and remember the day-to-day fun you used to have.
5. Do not make issues larger than they actually are. In long-distance relationships, communication can be very difficult. Avoid fighting over small issues ... with the communication barriers, these small things can turn into big fights. Agree to disagree when it looks like you aren’t making any progress. In these types of relationships, you are bound to have feelings of uncertainty and doubt. Don’t make any drastic changes unless you are absolutely positive that things aren’t working. Threatening to break up every time you two are going through a rough patch wont help the situation at all, particularly if you aren’t serious about ending it. Do communicate honestly about problems that you are having with the long-distance situation, but do it in a manner that is constructive and problem-solving.
6. Surprise them. Send flowers or chocolates to your partner’s office. For an extra-special treat, Fed-Ex them food from their favorite restaurant back home. Send cards for no reason and E-mails just to let them know that you are thinking about them.
7. Share the details of your life. Talk about the little things that happen in your day. Keep your partner informed about what you are up to at work and socially. Call your partner for advice. When you had the chance to spend more time together, you talked about these things, right? It will help maintain a sense of normalcy and a sense of trust between the two of you.
8. Focus on the future. A long-distance relationship will not work forever. Make plans to live in the same city as soon as possible. Ambiguity about the future will add tension and doubt.
9. Never assume the worst. If your partner is late calling you one day or you hear someone else’s voice in the background, ask them what is going on before flying into a fit of rage and accusing them of being unfaithful. If you can’t get a hold of them, call a friend instead and distract yourself. No matter what, don’t stress over it.
10. Meet your partner’s friends and have your partner meet your friends. It will help you have more trust in the relationship if you develop mutual friends who can reassure you when you are having doubts. Although you don’t want to have to turn to someone else to solve all of your problems, it can definitely be beneficial to have someone else there to assuage your fears.
HOW TO SPOT A CHEATING LOVER
Commitment is a traditionally notorious word among men, even though we crave it just as much as women. Nothing in the world compares to living with the person you love, to knowing that you’ll always have someone in your corner. Yet too many men express fear of commitment, and women have dealt with this frustration for generations.So how do you know if your boyfriend has commitment issues? Here are eight of the most common red flags for commitment issues.
1. He won’t stay over. Men who have commitment issues rarely will spend the night because that betrays commitment. Instead, he’ll slink out of bed after sex, get dressed, and go home to his own apartment or house. Likewise, he won’t ask you to stay over at his place.
2. He wont talk about the relationship. Men who don’t fear commitment have no problem with discussing the direction and intensity of relationship. Conversely, men who have commitment issues will shy away from that discussion, no matter what the consequences.
3. He is open about his interest in other women. Almost as if proud of their commitment issues, men who don’t want to commit will openly discuss women they find attractive. They might also leave women’s phone numbers where you’re likely to find them, or even casually mention having a date with another woman.
4. He flinches at the word marriage. Men with commitment issues won’t discuss marriage, and might even break out into a cold sweat at its mention.
5. He won’t introduce you to his friends. Men sometimes feel that putting their friends with their girlfriends is akin to relationship suicide, but typically, men who won’t introduce you simply don’t feel that you’ll be around long enough for it to matter.
6. He won’t meet your friends. Men who have commitment issues want to keep the relationship as private as possible. They fear getting too close, which can certainly mean commitment, so they’ll only want to get together when it’s just you and him.
7. He wants to stay in a lot. Men who base relationships on sex, and sex alone, will want to stay in rather than go out. They don’t want to introduce you to friends, and they don’t really want to be seen together. This is a big red flag for commitment issues.
8. He won’t talk about the future. Commitment issues keep a man from wanting to discuss the future: next month, next week, or even tomorrow night! They like to live by the moment and don’t want to count on the fact that you’ll be around tomorrow.
HOW TO DATE YOUR FRIEND - FRIENDSHIP TO LOVERS
I do not know about the average heterosexual male, but most of my relationships have been products of friendship. You get close to a woman, spend time with her, and eventually things just develop into more. But how do two people make the transition from friends to dating?First of all, but people should be on the same page. Friends can become more over time, but if one person is pushing it while the other is unsure, you can ruin both the friendship and the potential relationship. Talking about it should be foremost on your minds, and voicing concerns should be met with careful thought.
Often, when two people transition from friends to dating, they aren’t sure exactly how to act around one another. Once a friendship has been established, with rules attached, breaking those rules can be stressful at first. Even holding hands in public and kissing one another goodbye might seem difficult, if not downright strange.
Usually, however, the discomfort is felt from both sides, which means that the same concerns are often shared. Unless you communicate those concerns, however, they are likely to fester and become too large to handle. Your best bet is to admit that you are feeling uncomfortable with the transition from friends to dating, and try to work through it together.
The extent of the discomfort will likely depend upon how long the two of you have been friends. If you’ve known each other for ten years, for example, your habits and traditions will have been well-established, and as such, harder to change. However, if you’ve only been friends for a few months, the transition from friends to dating will be easier.
Another problem is that friends who become more do not have the luxury of slowly getting to know one another. Friends who start dating are really starting well into the relationship; they already know one another, which might cause them to move too fast. There’s a lot of pressure on a couple who have known one another for years, but have just begun to develop romantic feelings. The temptation to jump directly into a serious relationship is strong.
My best advice is to behave however feels natural. If you need some time to adjust to the idea, cool things off and simply spend time with one another. Don’t push sex until the both of you are ready, because once you’ve taken that step, you can never take it back. Sex has been known to ruin friendships, and can very easily end yours.
Although you do run the risk of jeopardizing your friendship by taking it to the next level, it will only ruin your friendship if you allow it. People who sincerely like one another and enjoy each other’s company will find a way to make it work, whether or not the relationship lasts. Make a sincere and concentrated effort to remain friends, even while you are dating.
And finally, all successful relationships are based on friendship. Unless you can talk, laugh and commiserate with your partner, the relationship is not as good or as healthy as it could be. Even if you start to date someone right away, you should learn to become friends as well as lovers.
DATING YOUR EX-LOVER - EX-BOYFRIEND, EX-GIRLFRIEND
As often as they are warned against it, sometimes ex’s do get back together. Re-dating someone you have been with before has its share of problems, and can sometimes end in disaster. However, re-dating your ex can mean that you were actually meant to be with one another, and can mean a fresh start for the both of you. Often, time apart shows how much you mean to each other, and rekindling lost love might be just what you need.Before you decide to re-date your ex, a conversation should take place during which boundaries are set. You cannot simply pretend that this is the first go-round, and issues from your previous breakup(s) need to be addressed. Perhaps both of you have grown in your time apart, and that issue no longer stands between you, but that needs to be established before things get hot and heavy.
It is important to stay away from relationships that are doomed from the beginning. In other words, if you know it can’t work, don’t even head down that road. However, if you feel that a fresh beginning is possible, follow these tips for a more successful relationship.
1. Past is Past. I did say that you need to discuss issues from the past, but once they’ve been addressed, they should be stricken from the record. If you are unable to let go of things that have been said or done with your ex, then the possibility for re-dating goes right out the window. Instead, agree that past is past, and that you are going to move on from a fresh, open-minded perspective.
2. Look for Signs. If you’ve been with your ex before, then you know the signs that things aren’t going the way they should. Although you should not constantly be accusing your ex of behaviors that led to the relationship’s demise, you should also not ignore signs that things are headed asunder. Protecting yourself should be your utmost priority, even if re-dating your ex seems like a good idea.
3. Give the Benefit of the Doubt. In somewhat contradiction to rule #2, it is important to give your ex the benefit of the doubt. It is human nature to be wary when re-dating your ex, but don’t let it rule your new relationship. Instead, be open and honest about concerns, and make sure they are addressed sufficiently before moving on.
4. Be Careful of Fights. All couples argue, whether you are re-dating or not, so don’t expect a smooth ride free of breakers. Sometimes you’ll fight, and this is to be expected, but never throw old arguments into the face of your partner. You might be re-dating your ex, but that doesn’t mean he or she deserves to be punished for sins of the past.
BUILDING YOUR SELF CONFIDENCE
Everyone has a few confidence problems, whether pertaining to sex, dating, marriage or something else. There are things that we would like to change about ourselves, things that we are sure must be glaringly obvious to members of the opposite sex. So how can we overcome sexual self confidence issues, and how can we know if we are obviously intimidated?My issue was always with first sexual experiences. Anytime I knew that I would be having sex with a woman for the first time, I would experience the sweaty palms and racing pulse of a teenage boy on his first date, which was, to say the least, embarrassing. Once that first sexual encounter was over, however, I would regain my sexual self confidence and move on.
Now I don’t have to worry about that anymore, since I have found the only woman I will ever have sex with again, but over the course of our marriage, other self confidence issues have cropped up, and I’ve had to deal with them just like I’ve dealt with others.
In most cases, sexual self confidence issues are based on the unknown, because that is all we really fear. When we have no idea how someone will react to the things we do, anxiety runs rampant and we aren’t calmed until it’s over.
Here are a few tips that might help you to overcome self confidence issues:
1. Know that others feel the same way. Whatever sexual self confidence issue might plague your mind, please know that someone else has experienced it before. Whether it be physical or psychological, other men and women have worried about the same things, which means that you are by no means alone.
2. Be open about it. I have had very few bad dating experiences, and all the women I’ve been with have been open, honest, caring individuals. Had I told them about my insecurities before we had sex, they probably would have done whatever they could to make me feel better. If you are unable to be open about sexual self confidence issues with your partner, then chances are you’ve chosen the wrong one.
3. Give yourself a break. When you feel overwhelmed by sexual insecurity, take a step back and evaluate the situation. Berating yourself for your lack of sexual confidence will only serve to make you more anxious. Instead, come to terms with the issue and work through it. If you have a great sexual partner, he or she will help.
CELIBACY HELPS RELATIONSHIPS ( COUPLES CELIBATE )
Most monogamous couples cringe at the idea of celibacy, even though some married couples have been celibate for years based on mere circumstance. Sex is such an integral part of a relationship that celibacy is viewed as a deprivation of privileges. However, studies have shown that celibacy can actually improve a relationship, and if you’ve never given it a shot, you might want to see how it goes.Celibacy is defined as a conscious abstinence from sex, which means that one individual or a couple decides to forgo sex for a set period of time. In other cultures, celibacy is considered a spiritual trek, and is meant to heighten appreciation for other aspects of life. No matter the reason you’ve chosen celibacy, it can certainly improve the other factors in a relationship.
Here are a few tips for using celibacy to improve your relationship:
1. Set a Reasonable Goal. If you don’t honestly believe that you can be celibate for six weeks, then don’t try. Celibacy is only effective if you are able to complete the goals you have set for yourself. If, after three weeks, you give in to temptation, then you’ve undermined the entire purpose of celibacy in your relationship.
The best thing to do is to start small. You and your significant other can try celibacy for a week, and see how it goes. If, at the end of that week-long period, you feel that you should go longer, then do so! But start small and work your way up to a larger goal.
2. Use Celibacy Effectively. If, for example, you decide to try celibacy for a week, and you and your partner spend no time together during that week, then the celibacy idea was all for naught. Celibacy should be a time used to explore other aspects of a relationship, such as trying a new hobby together or spending time just talking. If you have no contact with your partner during celibacy, then you have no opportunity to explore different sides of each other.
3. Don’t Abstain from All Physical Contact. Just because you’ve vowed not to have sex for a certain period of time does not mean that you can not touch. Celibate people can still kiss, hug, hold hands and even cuddle, as long as they don’t proceed to sexual activity. At night, before bed, when you might otherwise be having sex, spend time just lying next to one another, talking and touching. This can heighten your awareness of the other person in the relationship and will place emphasis on touching for the purpose of affection, rather than orgasm.
4. Don’t Use Celibacy as a Weapon. Celibacy should be a mutual decision made between two people in a relationship, not a weapon wielded by one side. Demanding that your partner do something in order to end celibacy is not only cruel, but detrimental to the relationship. After celibacy has ended, your normal sexual life can resume. You might find that you are more in-tune with your partner, and that your sexual experience is heightened as a result of the celibacy. You’ll have given yourselves time to remember why you are together in the first place, and only good things can come from that.
HOW TO OVERCOME A BAD DATING EXPERIENCE
So, how can you get away from a bad date, without embarrassing yourself and the other person?Be Honest
So, your current escape plans includes bad table manners, checking other people out and using the restroom for a very long time. Do you really think you're doing anyone any favors? It's more likely that you are only making a fool out of yourself.
Instead, just be upfront with your date. Tell them, "Look, there is no hope for romance between us and I would like to end our date right now". Keep your integrity.
Don’t forget that the other person has feelings too. Show them some compassion. You do not want to leave a permanent scar on his or her dating experience. How would you like it if you had to wait 45 minutes for someone to use the restroom?
Besides, they may actually end up being a better friend than a date.
Tell White Lies
So, you are not comfortable with telling your date the truth and you also do not want to hurt them. Now what? Try telling your date a white lie.
Some good ones include, "I am not feeling well tonight," "I have to get up early tomorrow morning," and "I have to get home before (whatever) time."
Just remember to use only one white lie for every bad date. Do not use more than one because your date will see through your lies and you will end up looking foolish.
Your white lie is well intentioned, so don't feel guilty about it. Not all lies are bad.
Do NOT Take The Blame
If you can't bring yourself to tell your date a white lie, then you should place the blame on an external circumstance that you have no control over.
Tell them something believable. You could say, "I do not have time for a relationship right now because I am really busy at work." Avoid anything that sounds ludicrous like, "My mom will not let me date anymore."
Again, use only one external circumstance for every awful date that you have. Use more than one and your date will get the impression (ahem, realize) that you are making up excuses.
Placing the blame on an outside circumstance will help you get away from your date a lot easier without hurting anyone's feelings or making things awkward.
Choose A Busy Location
When you go out with someone for the first time, it's impossible to know whether the date will be good or bad. Therefore, it is best to choose somewhere busy to go out on your first date. The place should be well lit and have a lot of people around.
Choosing somewhere busy will make it easier for you and your date to get along because there will be more things to discuss. Having a lot of people around eases the tension and helps you stop feeling like you are under the microscope. It's also a quick way to end the date because you could say that you need to go somewhere nearby and then blend in with the crowd. It's not as awkward as leaving someone alone at a dinner table.
Keep in mind that you should always bring plenty of cash for a taxi or a bus. You cannot rely on your date to take you home, if you choose this option.
Make It A Double Date
If you feel that you cannot leave your date, then why not change the situation and make it a double date.
Let your date know that you would like to bring another couple. By having a friend or two along, you can take the date from horrible to fun. Why waste a perfect evening? Everyone can end up having a good time.
However, if your date rejects the idea of taking along another couple, assure them that in no way will this affect your own date.
BODY LANGUAGE CHEMISTRY - SHOWING INTEREST IN A DATE
Usually the first way two people connect is through looking into each other's eyes. Before either of you speaks a single word, the eyes have already telegraphed messages. Messages can range from frank curiosity to cool assessment to shy interest. When you look deeply into a guy's eyes, you're telling him you think he's the most fascinating person in the room. In fact, if you keep your eyes locked on his, what you're saying is that as far as you're concerned, he's the only person in the room!Full frontal eye contact can be risky, however. It can seem too bold and brazen to those men who are put off by such direct behavior by women. But if you're not the bashful maiden type, frankly gaze. In a way, it's a form of natural selection. A guy who is freaked out by your open gaze is probably not a guy for you.
Arm Crossing
When a woman crosses her arms over her chest, it can be interpreted in a number of ways by a guy. It can telegraph the message that she's a vulnerable female creature, an innocent little lamb who feels the need to protect herself from the Big Bad Wolf!
But arm crossing is also a way of telling a guy that you don't like him at all and that your fondest wish at the moment is that he'll go away.
Crossing your arms over your chest is also a sneaky way of drawing attention to your breasts. It's a primitive gesture of sexual anticipation laced with sexual anxiety, which a man might correctly read as the woman's acknowledgment of the basic Me Tarzan, You Jane chemistry happening between them.
Leaning Toward Him
The most common form of this is leaning forward when you're sitting across from him. This gesture shows interest and acceptance. In short, it means you just think he's the funniest, cutest, most fascinating creature put on the face of this earth.
But keep your poker face, player-girl! If you go overboard with the lean, you're giving away your whole hand. You want to keep him guessing at least a little bit, right?
If you catch yourself practically falling into his lap, take a deep breath, sit back in your seat and rest your hands in your lap for a few minutes ‑-- at least until you cool off.
If you find yourself leaning away from him, you're either telling him you hate his guts or you're working overtime to not let him know you're all hot and bothered for him.
Leg Crossing
Leg crossing can be interpreted as a nervous or provocative gesture. Lots of people unconsciously cross and uncross their legs when they're anxious. If you're doing this, the man will correctly intuit that he's somehow "getting" to you. In other words, it's a dead giveaway to the guy that he's unsettled you and his energy has thrown off your equilibrium. On the other hand, if you're deliberately crossing your legs to show off your sexy gams, or deliberately pointing your top leg in his direction, it means you like him a lot. If you can't stop crossing your legs and you're virtually twitching in your seat, again this is an unconscious gesture that clearly tells a man that he's really getting to you. You probably don't want to give him that much power. If he knows you're burning hot for him, he has the upper hand ‑-- and you don't want that. If something about him has really got you squirming, get up, take a walk or go home and take a cold shower.
Hair Twirling
Toying with your hair is a sure sign of nervousness. If you find yourself doing this, take a moment to ask yourself why this guy is making you nervous. Is it because he's too handsome? Too incredibly clever? Is it because you can't get your mind out of the gutter imagining what he would be like in bed? Save your agitation for later ‑-- like when you finally fall asleep and have a red-hot dream about him!
Hair twirling can also be a playful gesture. Women with long hair tend to play with their hair. Hair is sexy and twirling and tossing it draws a man's eye to it. But beware: Many guys say it really bugs them when women keep playing with their hair. Talk about sending the wrong message! What some women think is sexy is a major turnoff to some guys.
Lip Licking
This is purely physiological. Forget what they say about "drooling" over a hot guy. When we're aroused and excited, our mouths get dry. If you find yourself licking your lips a lot in the company of a new man, it means that something about him is really getting to you. Watch out!
Lip licking clearly conveys the message that you're interested in a man. It is a very sexy, and overt, type of body language ‑-- that is, if it is done correctly. What we are talking about here is a slow, sultry swipe along your lips with the tip of your tongue. Just remember to use this one with caution. Your Flirt Object will probably think you are telling him you want to take him to bed. And maybe you do! If that's the case and you're both equally interested, by all means, lick your lips. It's another way of saying, "Let's go back to your place right now." In other words, it's an action getter.
Flared Nostrils
OH MY god, this is the mother of all body language signals! Flared nostrils are an irrefutable sign of sexual arousal. If you're talking to a man and his nostrils are flaring, you can bet your booty he's aching' for you. And, um, it works vice versa. If your nostrils are flaring, your nipples are probably hard, too. If you're flirting with a guy and you've both got the nostril thing going, look out. You might have to rent a hotel room!
THE BEST WAYS TO FIND TRUE LOVE
Look at the one right beside youIt's very common for single people to spend their time searching and searching for the "right person." Zen suggests that we stop running around and instead see what is right in front of our eyes.
Look at a person who is close to you in your life right now. Whether this is a friend, a potential mate or more, notice the ways in which you push him away. Stop doing that. Just allow the two of you to be together in whatever way you are. Accept everything about your relationship as it is.
Do the same thing tomorrow with someone else. This doesn't mean that you have to consider marrying every person who crosses your path. It's just an exercise to see how commonly you might dismiss people who are already in your world because you're busy waiting for the "right one" to appear. But the more "right" you can be with everyone, the more you can open up to the very real possibilities of the present.
Stop playing around with love
So many singles complain that they are not loved. The reason for this can be quite simple. They are so busy playing games that potential partners never get to know who they really are.
What roles or games do you play in relationships? What roles do you expect others to assume? Chances are, you follow a pretty clear pattern, but the question is: Are you falling in love with the person, or with the role that he plays? If you're not sure about your roles, turn them around for a little while. Try playing different roles. Experiment with someone who plays roles that you are not accustomed to. Notice how that feels.
The goal is to become aware of the difference between who you are and the roles you play. Eventually you'll be able to let the roles go and simply be who you are -- which is a Zen-like state of being. Who you are is always lovable and beautiful. It's the roles that get in the way.
Let partners come and go
One major obstacle in living a life of love is the tendency to hold on. We grasp and cling to each other, preventing the freedom of love from rising on its own. Zen asks us to let go.
When someone comes into your life, let him come. Welcome the person, whoever he is. Enjoy what it is he brings, even if it's only for a short time.
When it is time for a person to go away, let him go. Do not turn the person's leaving into an experience of rejection, loss or abandonment. Realize that his leaving has nothing to do with you. It is simply time for him to go.
Do this with yourself as well. Let yourself come and go freely in life, and don't get caught in unnecessary chains. The more you free yourself and others, the more easily you fall in love.
Put your baggage down
Many feel that love is not possible unless all their demands are met. However, these same people are repeatedly amazed when they find that these demands don't lead to happiness. Instead, the demands are just obstacles to falling in love.
What are your "must haves" for relationships? If you're not sure, write out the list and take a good look at it. Realize that this is baggage that may be keeping all kinds of people and possibilities away. This baggage may also make you fearful, rigid and closed off to what is available for you right now. Zen asks us to break free of old demands.
Try letting one of these demands subside for just one day. Notice how you feel without it. (Remember, you can always take it back again.) Then try it another day. As you do this many times, you may find that things you thought were crucial for your life were really getting in the way. The more you do this, the more light and happy you will feel. Plus, this openness allows all kinds of new people, possibilities and situations to start coming your way. You will have made room for them by putting your baggage down.
Give gifts
Giving and receiving are at the core of every relationship. When we are in love, this is never a problem. We naturally give and are happy with whatever is offered in return. If you want to open up to falling in love, adopt this state of mind and start giving naturally.
What gifts do you give others in relationships? What do you hope to receive in return? Now take a moment to consider what else you can give someone. Then give it. Do this every day. Each day, give something else. It does not have to be fancy or expensive -- or even a material object -- just something that will add to his or her day. Then do this with all kinds of different people. Zen is about doing this kind of thing quietly without great fanfare and without expecting something in return.
Do this with yourself as well. Take a moment to find out what kind of gift you would like. Simple examples are taking a walk in the park, buying a new lipstick or spending time with someone you care for. Now give yourself a gift each day.
Although this exercise is simple, it is extremely powerful. Doing this daily can turn everything around in your relationships. When you give, remember not to look for anything in return (not even a smile or thank you). Just give to give, with no expectations, no demands. By living with this open, generous mind, all kinds of other gifts come to you naturally.
Make friends with yourself
Many people say they are lonely, even when they have a partner at their side. This is simply because they have not yet made friends with themselves. According to Zen, once you come to terms with yourself and appreciate who you are on a personal level, it is impossible to be lonely anymore.
Make friends with yourself. Spend time noticing who you are. Accept all parts of yourself. Stop judging and rejecting what is going on inside. Be still and look within.
Start with this exercise. Pay attention to your breath and just notice what is going on. Let it be. Accept it, and return to the breathing. Understand that, breath by breath, underneath the clamor, you are perfect just as you are. Can you choose to be this natural self in relationships? Can you choose to have relationships with those who want and appreciate just what you are? Making positive changes in your life -- and your relationships -- can start with something as simple as taking off your shoes.
THE MEANING OF ROMANTIC GIFTS FROM YOUR LOVER
If You Give: A tie
You're Saying: "Your beer-guzzling, frat boy charm has worn off. Please get a real job."
If You Give: Silk boxer shorts
You're Saying: "The less clothing I see you in, the better, stud."
If You Give: A weekend vacation for two
"I like you enough to spend every moment of the entire weekend with you alone. So if you were wondering if this is serious, it is."
If You Give: A sports car modeling kit
You're Saying: "I know that deep down beneath that manly exterior lies a little boy who wants to play. I respect that."
If You Give: Jewelry
You're Saying: "Did I already mention my ring size?"
If You Give: A shirt
You're Saying: "I like your style, but don't you think you'd look better in something like this?"
If You Give: A framed picture of the two of you
You're Saying: "Either wedding bells are about to ring, or I'm psychotic and will definitely stalk you if we break up."
If You Give: Tickets to a hockey game
You're Saying: "Take me to this game and help me learn more about your interests. Take a friend and lose me forever."
If You Give: A best-selling book
You're Saying: "I don't know you that well, but other people liked this, so why shouldn't you?"
If You Give: A handmade sweater
You're Saying: "I'm definite marriage material, if you like the Martha Stewart type."
If He Gives...
If He Gives: A necklace
He's Saying: "I really care about you and want you to think about me every time you wear this."
If He Gives: Lingerie
He's Saying: "I already think you're sexy, but I've fantasized about seeing you in something like this."
If He Gives: A Cuisinart
He's Saying: "I don't know how to tell you this, but I'm not attracted to you anymore."
If He Gives: A puppy
He's Saying: "I can already visualize the house, the picket fence and the children too."
If He Gives: A sweater
He's Saying: "I've got no imagination and I probably gave the same gift to my mother."
If He Gives: A weekend vacation for two
He's Saying: "I want 48 hours of uninterrupted sex."
If He Gives: A new perfume
He's Saying: "My ex-girlfriend wore what you wear now, so please try this."
If He Gives: A cellular phone
He's Saying: "Either I'm genuinely concerned about your safety or I need to be able to reach you every second of every minute of every day."
If He Gives: A CD you've wanted for months
He's Saying: "I am a good listener and I've got a great memory."
If He Gives: A poem
He's Saying: "I'm a romantic in love. And I'm broke."
BE COMPATIBLE BEFORE FALLING IN LOVE
Long-term relationships fail for many reasons, but one of the most common is incompatibility in important areas of your life. It’s all too easy to overlook major differences in the first bloom of love, but will the traits and beliefs that seem endearing in the first months of a new relationship still be acceptable in five, ten, or forty years? The sad thing is that a painful breakup could have been avoided, simply by having an honest discussion of important issues before the relationship got too deep. If you take a hard look at the ways you differ from your new flame, you can spare yourself a broken heart and a lot of time down the road. Here are five questions that you should ask yourself before your relationship gets too serious.1. Are Our Politics Compatible? Politics is an issue which is often ignored in the early stages of a relationship. Who wants to think about global warming when you could be planning a romantic getaway? However, people tend to be passionate about their political beliefs, and differing views can cause relationships to explode. Falling in love with people who share your political tendencies will make a smoother road to travel in the future.
2. Are Our Religious Views Compatible?Opposing religious views might work out for two adults who respect one another, even if you do have difficulty reconciling your agnostic views with his dedication to spending Sunday mornings in church. However, they can become a strain in a long term relationship, especially if you plan to have children.
3. Are Our Patterns of Communication Compatible?Some couples frequently flare up at each other, shouting and yelling over every little problem – only to be doting on each other five minutes later. Others would be badly hurt, preferring to discuss disagreements calmly and peaceably. Difficulties often arise when communication patterns within the relationship vary widely.
4. Do We Have Similar Visions of the Future?When you first fall in love, all you can think about is the next time that you can see your new flame again. However, this is the best time to consider the future as well. If you’ve always dreamed of children and she doesn’t want them, or you envision spending your life in the country while he wants the glamour of city life, it will be difficult to combine your differing views into a comfortable life together.
5. Do We Have Similar Ideas About Love?Everybody has different ideas about how people who are in love should act. Perhaps you show your affection through your actions instead of your words, or you want your independence while your lover wants to spend all your spare time together. The more compatible these opinions, the easier your life together will be.
With love, honest communication, and respect, any of these differences may be overcome. However, knowing the areas in which you and your new love are not a perfect fit will allow you to address these issues early on. If you are not able to come to an agreement, you will know that the relationship will not work before it is too late.
THE BEST WAYS TO UNDERSTAND A MAN
10. ALL BLACK SHOES LOOK THE SAME TO HIM: Of course this may be somewhat of an exaggeration. But face it, Ladies... Men typically are not offered as many styles in the same color as women are. Therefore, that strappy black sling back, is exactly the same as the peep toe black sling back.9. "HOW WAS YOUR DAY?" doesn't mean "How was your day?”: As insensitive as it sounds, when men ask this question, they typically do not want a play-by-play of your entire day. Quite frankly, it's boring. And unless you have something specific you want to discuss with him, he really doesn't care about your coworker's son's Little League Game.
8. INITIATE SEX: Yes, sometimes men want women to be a bit more aggressive in the bedroom, especially if they tend to make the first move most of the time. Men do enjoy a chase. But after being together for a while, they need to feel wanted as well. Initiate sex a bit more often, and you could see dramatic improvements in your sex life.
7. "NOTHING'S WRONG" means, nothing is wrong: Sometimes that quiet, brooding type of man is simply having a quiet moment to himself. Women are the ones who ordinarily like to discuss and plan the details of almost everything. But men are more hands on. When they are quiet, it doesn't necessarily mean that something is wrong - only that they are thinking.
6. "I LOVE YOU" isn't always said with words: Once women understand that men show love in a variety of ways, women will happier. Recognizing loving gestures will definitely help get the point across. Sometimes those three little words are being screamed loud and clear, with actions instead.
5. HE DOESN'T REALLY WANT TO KNOW ALL ABOUT YOUR PAST: Sure, you've had honest dialogue about your previous racy adventures. But guess what? Men don't want to know everything you've done, and EVERYONE you've done it with. A little mystery helps keep some of the fire alive. And besides, there is nothing wrong with keeping some private things, private.
4. DON'T BE A DOORMAT: Whoever coined the phrase that nice guys finish last, was actually onto something. While this doesn't mean that you should be rude or inconsiderate to your sweetie, it does mean that you should stand firm about things you believe in. Don't cave in to every whim for the sake of keeping your man around. In the end, it doesn't usually work anyway. Stand firm in your beliefs, and you'll maintain not only your integrity, but a healthy relationship.
3. HAVE A LIFE!: Make sure that you've got something going on the side. No, not someone or something. Activities, friends, and hobbies are all important in keeping you sane. It's fine to do things together. But no one can stand to be around someone 24 hours a day without there being tension from time to time. The phrase "absence makes the heart grow fonder" has a huge ring of truth.
2. DON'T LET YOURSELF GO : This doesn't mean bending your looks to satisfy the whims of your man. And it doesn't mean refusing to wear a particular style that he likes. Women should make sure that they feel as sexy as they did on the day they met their mates. A few pounds here and there may not make a difference to your beau. But if you've gained over 100 lbs, first ask yourself if You are happy with it. If not, then do something about it - For You. A happier You makes for a happier "us".
1. COMPLIMENT HIM. - Men like and need to feel attractive too. However, make sure that the compliments are genuine. If you like the way he looks in his favorite shirt, say so. Not only is it a boost to his confidence, but it lets him know that he's still attractive to you as well!
HOW KNOW IF YOUR LOVER IS CHEATING - CATCH A CHEATER
I think almost everybody could agree with me on this one: The only thing worse than finding out that your spouse is a cheater is not knowing. Not knowing if your partner is faithful can eat away at you and cause pain that can last months or even years. Betrayal is the worst form of disrespect and can leave wounds that won’t heal for a long time, if ever. Before we dive into sneaky ways that you can catch your partner red handed, lets first discuss why people cheat. I have often thought to myself, Why is it that animals are able to stay faithful to each other for a lifetime, while many humans can not seem to handle this task for more than a matter of months? The fact is that humans are the only creatures that realize they have a choice to how many partners they chose to have at a single moment in time. In addition, in recent studies, scientists have found that males with higher than average testosterone levels may be at greater risk of being involved in extramarital affairs than males with low testosterone levels. However, unlike animals, we have the ability to make decisions. We are able to override these hormones at any given time. Still, many chose not to. Testosterone or no testosterone, I still think cheating ultimately has to do with unhappiness. And, due to our ability to make decisions, those who chose to cheat go to great lengths to hide their affair. This is because they know what they are doing is wrong. This is why people who are cheaters are often hard to catch. So on that note, here are some potential signs that your partner may be cheating:1. Change in Usual Work Pattern: Extended hours or possibly even over night shifts. This is the most popular excuse used by a cheating partner.
2. Phone Turned Off/Not Returning Calls: If you try to contact your partner during times that you are suspicious of them being unfaithful and they do not answer the phone or answer it but quickly find a reason to hang up with you, there’s a good chance that they are not being faithful.
3. Change in General Attitude: If your husband/wife suddenly makes it apparent that they are bored around you, or maybe seem overly excited on particular days, this could be a sign that they are having a relationship with somebody else. Sometimes a cheating mate may even become very angry or not want to handle simple arguments.
4. Lack of Money: Generally speaking, a deceptive partner will be spending time, as well as money, on their new date. The amount spent may greatly affect their usual income, depending on how much they are looking to impress their new partner.
5. Change in Attire: The sudden urge to dress attractively or get a new hairstyle, shave often, etc may be due to the fact that your partner is looking to appear more attractive to another individual.
6. Change in Relationship: If your partner suddenly stops confiding in you or seeking your advice this may be due to them finding it elsewhere.
7. New Hobbies: A cheating spouse may take interest in new things that don’t add up - such as new music, a new sport, etc.
8. Secretive Conversations: Does your partner run out of the room when he/she answers the phone to handle business? Or do they speak in a very low tone?
9. Deleted E-mails / Odd Computer Habits: If your husband/wife is startled by your presence when they are online or if they are constantly cleaning out their mailbox, there could be a reason for it. It is not normal behavior for a spouse to quickly exit off of a screen when someone enters the room unless they are planning a surprise vacation or doing something they know is wrong.
With that being said, here are some ways to catch a cheating partner :
1. Show up at your Spouses Work - Pick one of those days when they are working late and surprise them with a hot meal or desert. Make sure you have a reason for going up to their job so you don’t look too suspicious.
2. Check Mileage on their Car - This is a surefire way to see if your partner has been where they claim to have been. However, take into account if they needed to go to the bank or any other locations. A few extra miles here or there do not constitute as being disloyal.
3. Record Keep - Record dates and times of suspicious phone calls. If your mate is cheating you should be able to draw a conclusion that relates these times to other incidents. For example, if someone calls and hangs up on Wednesday evenings, followed by your partner getting called into work, this could be a tip for you to log.
4. Keep Quiet - Don’t open your mouth until you have the evidence you need for conviction. Telling your partner you think they may be seeing someone else will only complicate the patter because you have opened their eyes to the fact that they are not as sneaky as they would like to be.
5. Check Receipts - If you are able, check receipts found in pockets, the car, drawers, etc. If your partner is going out they are bound to eventually slip up and leave valuable evidence somewhere. Bank records of money withdrawals or credit card bills are also good ones. If looking at a credit card bill, pay close attention to detail, like where they are purchasing gasoline. Is it near your home? Or is it in a city that doesn’t fit into their usual travels?
6. Spy - If you are able to do your own surveillance or have a friend help you, do it. Watch what your partner is doing when they say they are working, etc.
7. Computer Research - Read e-mails, check cookies, etc. See what your partner is doing when they are online. Over half of cheating partners use the internet as a form of communication because it is easy and confidential. If you check your partners cookies you will be able to see what sites they are visiting. This can be very valuable, for example, if your partner’s e-mail address is mike@hotmail.com and the cookies say that they are constantly logging into a Yahoo account.
Have you tried all of the previous mentioned steps and still feel as if you are being betrayed? If so then you may have to go to extremes: Lie Detector Test, GPS Tracking or hire a Private Investigator. But before making the decision to do any of these things, take into consideration that they are very costly. You need to weigh your relationship and determine if it is worth the money. Remember that if you are at the point where you are 100% convinced your spouse is a cheater, you do not need to waste the money, you all ready know the answer. If you know they are a cheater, having a Private Investigator follow them around for weeks is not going to make a difference. Only you know your thoughts. Before making any decision you need to be prepared to accept the results. Will having your mate pass a lie detector test really make a difference? What if they pass with flying colors? Will you suddenly trust them? What if the work hours keep getting later and later and things still don’t add up? What then? Be honest with yourself and your feelings up front.
SIGNS OF A BAD DATE
Dating is expensive. Its not just the money - its the time spent grooming and the investment of all that emotional energy in hoping he is great and wondering what will happen. And there is the opportunity cost! Time spent with one guy is time you can’t spend with someone better!No, your time, money, and beauty products are too valuable to waste on a guy not worth the nail polish you removed in order to match your fingers to your toes.
It’s crucial to develop a sensitive radar that can detect the subtle red flag moments that tell you, This guy is not worth shaving my legs for. There are some of the obvious things - he lives with his parents when he’s over the age of 30, his socks don’t match, he talks about his ex all the time, he’s had no relationships that lasted longer than a year, he’s totally self-absorbed, etc. But there are some subtler cues I have learned to recognize over my years of dating fiascos that I will share with you. I hope my bad dates will help you avoid some of your own.
10. When you’re on a date, he talks trash about an ex. It doesn’t matter how much of a bitch she was, good men accept at least some responsibility for every break up and they speak respectfully about other people, no matter what. (Incidentally, check yourself for this one.)
9. He talks trash about his mom. A guy who doesn’t have some respect for his mom, even if she left him on a doorstep, won’t really respect for you. Bad date!
8. He moves in for the kiss way too soon. If he can’t tell that you’re not interested in all that yet, he will never be able to tell what you’re interested in.
7. He never moves in for the kiss. If you are ready, willing, and able, and he isn’t reading the signals, he’ll never be able to read the signals.
6. His place is a mess the first time you come over. You’d clean up your place before he came over - you had at least stuff all that random crap in the closet and jimmy the door shut. If he couldn’t put in the effort to clean up a little, what effort will he ever put in? <p>
5. He can’t cook. It’s a well known fact that men who cook are better in bed, they are more sensual, more responsive, more attentive, and know how to do one thing with their hands while they do something else with their mouths.
4. He has a habit or a personal style - for example, answering the question, How was your day? with a blow-by-blow description of everything he did every hour from the moment he woke up until the moment you asked him how his day was and you catch yourself thinking, But that can change. No it can’t. It won’t change on it’s own, he can’t change it, it won’t change. People don’t change, they just learn to deal with the problems they have.
3. He has no kids, no pets, no fish, not even any plants. If the only thing that lives in his place other than him is the mold in the back of his fridge, he’s a nonstarter. A guy who can’t even commit to keeping a spider plant alive does not have what it takes to keep a relationship alive.
2. He’s over 40 and he’s never been in a committed relationship. If he hasn’t done it by then, he never will. He’s had about 20 years to meet the right girl; by now, it’s not the girls. It’s him. It doesn’t matter how great you are, he’ll never commit because he just does not know how. So why should you?
1. He’s talking about a past relationship and you catch yourself thinking, As long as he does not do it to me He will do it to you. No matter how crazy he says the other girl was, no matter how much better you are being a loving, accepting girlfriend. He will. Can you cope with that? If not, ditch him now.
Good men are out there, ladies. I firmly believe that. Don’t let the nonsense of the unfit stand between you and a man who can stand on his own two feet, keep a plant alive, clean his apartment, and kiss you right when you want to be kissed!
THE REASONS WHY YOU ARE STILL SINGLE AND LONELY
Tired of first dates that don't result in relationships? Sick of chasing after guys who clearly aren't ready to commit? If you've made an all-out effort to find your match with little success, maybe it's time to rethink your approach toward searching for true love. Here you'll find five common mistakes women make in the dating game. If one or two sound familiar, don't beat yourself up. Just recognize that you deserve better and commit to making a change for good.1. If you think love will never find you, it won't. I receive many posts on the Dating from women whose romantic disappointments have left them convinced there is something inherently unlovable about them. They say things like: "Who would want me anyway? I'm sure I'm going to wind up alone."
Obviously these women are as worthy of love as you and I. (Yes, we're worthy!) But they've come down with something so awful it can keep them solo for years to come: self-fulfilling prophecy, or SFP. SFP isn't contagious but it will make potential dates run the opposite way. It's an insidious disease. Physically, it leaves the sufferer untouched. But the more one walks around saying, "I will never find love," the higher the odds that expectation will come true. Contrarily, the sunnier one's thoughts — "I'm such a cool, happy person that I'm bound to find love" — the sunnier the forecast for her romantic future.
If you're among those throwing one too many pity parties for herself, get busy: Start a journal. Each day write down something lovable about yourself. It will get easier with time. You can even consider calling or e-mailing a few close friends or relatives, so they can share reasons they think a man would be lucky to have you. Level with them about why you're making this request, and they'll probably be happy to help. Whenever a negative thought threatens to invade your mind, replace it with a positive one.
Uncover the other love mistakes that might be keeping you single right here:
2. Kick the bad-boy habit. News flash: Good guys have not gone the way of the 8-track. They exist in bulk. The trick is learning to both recognize and want a man of worth. "For years I was attracted to guys whose mission was to hurt me," says reformed bad-boy lover Adel Harris, a 32-year-old Chicago Web designer. "It would be obvious from the get-go. They'd never call when they said they would, were constantly caught in stupid lies, said they loved me, then ran around with other women. One even tried to seduce my best friend." During these years, Adel kept railing that her dates were the best of a bad lot: No man could be kind or faithful. Then she attended a cousin's wedding. "Naomi's bridegroom Rick was the sweetest man in the world. He obviously adored my cousin and lived to please her," says Adel. "Seeing the sweet, loving light in his eyes, I vowed that one day I'd meet a man who would look at me like I was a treasure."
Adel took a dating hiatus and did some much-needed thinking about the root of her obsession with bad boys. "My dad was a life-of-the-party type, but as a husband and father he was cold and uncaring," she admits. "He left for good when I was 10. After that, the few times I'd see him I'd practically do cartwheels to win his attention. When I was old enough to have a boyfriend, I began metaphorically dating my dad. Once I realized what I'd been doing, I started seeing the appeal of guys who weren't as flashy or unreliable, guys who were capable of caring."
Today Adel is engaged — to a Rick type. "I can't believe I wasted all that time on men who treated me like dirt," she says. "But it was worth it, I guess because it eventually taught me to truly appreciate a good man."
3. Repeat after me: Love is not a synonym for leash. When Gina Thomas, a 29-year-old Manhattan magazine art director, got engaged, it seemed like a dream come true. In her fantasies she and her fiancé Bill would do everything together. Bill had a different definition. "Once we moved in together I assumed Bill would cut out the biweekly poker games with the guys and the occasional nights out after work," says Gina. "Our jobs left us little free time as it was. We shouldn't have wasted it on other people."
Wanting your partner to be with you 24/7 is not realistic or fair, yet like Gina many women feel abandoned or unloved if their other half has needs (say, for male camaraderie or occasional solitude) that can't be fulfilled by the relationship.
Gina's insecurity and neediness led her to make Bill feel like he was under house arrest. And no matter how plush the jail, eventually a prisoner wants to be set free. The two split.
The happiest couples allow each other breathing room to grow. The more dynamic their lives apart (in terms of jobs, hobbies, friends), the more they'll have to share with each other when they get together.
4. Don't commit emotional infidelity. It is vital that your partner be someone you treat with courtesy and kindness. If you tell all of your favorite jokes and "bad day" stories to a friend or male coworker, what will you have left when you get home to your honey? It may sound crazy, but there is a premium on a person's time and energy — there is only so much of it to go around — and if you spend yours with someone else, you're potentially hurting your relationship. Even worse is betraying your partner's confidences with a male friend or coworker. Just ask Doreen Badenstadt, a 34-year-old chef from Santa Fe, New Mexico. "After six years of marriage my husband Ed and I started growing apart. Nothing drastic, but he was no longer the first person I'd tell when something good or bad happened," she says. "That honor belonged to my neighbor Don."
Doreen never slept with Don, but she did begin sharing intimacies, such as the fact that her husband wore a toupee, a fact Don joked about at a neighborhood barbecue. Ed was shocked and felt betrayed at hearing his business discussed over hot dogs and beer. He accused his wife of disloyalty, precipitating the biggest fight the pair had ever had. The couple patched things up, but Doreen was reminded the hard way that her marriage needed to be the number one relationship in her life.
5. You're wrong if you need to be right. When Anne Ryan, a 29-year-old from Chicago, met her boyfriend Sam, she was delighted that the two had so much in common. Both were lawyers and loved to tango, downhill ski and play chess. Both were also stubbornly full of pride. "Sam was perfect except for one horrible flaw," says Anne. "He always needed to be right — whether it was about which restaurant served better burgers or which of us had apologized first after our last fight. What I didn't realize until it was too late was that I was just as bad. I couldn't admit that I'd forgotten to give him an important phone message or that his desire to move to L.A. was something I should seriously consider. I wanted to stay in Chicago and that was all that mattered. It was my way or the highway."
THE BEST WAYS TO CHASE A GOOD MAN AWAY - ( GOOD LOVER )
Explain the difference between princess, marquee and emerald cut diamonds -- and note your preferenceInsist that he's not paying enough attention during the diamond-cut lesson and offer to go through it again
Call his home number from your cell phone at the dinner table so that he'll have a souvenir
Mention that your last breakup was especially painful when your ex started using the word "psychotic" to describe you
Doing your best Audrey Hepburn impression, ask him for a $50 for "the powder room" and call him a "super rat" if he won't cough up the dough
Wear a tiara
Tell him that you're really looking forward to marriage
Expand on this last point and include the part about being able to spend someone else's money -- finally!
Ask him who he would be if he could be "any rock star in the world"
Confess that in preparation for the date, you conducted a conference call with all of your friends in order to get enough fashion, etiquette, and giddiness-prevention advice to make it through the evening
LIST OF ONLINE DATING TIPS
There’s a nervousness, thrill, and excitement that occurs when meeting a person for the first time face to face. Yet amongst the thrill, remember to always be on your guard when going out on a date with someone you barely know.Here are 12 tips on dating safety to help you get started:
1. Arrange to meet him. Don’t let him pick you up from your home.
2. Meet in public places. If possible, double date or go out with a group of people.
3. Go Dutch by paying half of the bill. That way you won’t feel under any obligation to return the favor.
4. Remember that alcohol affects your judgment and lessens your inhibitions. If you are drinking, keep your drink in sight at all times and don’t get so drunk that you don’t know what you are doing.
5. Use your own mode of transportation. And leave with a full tank.
6. Don't assume that a man is safe just because he claims to be religious.
7. Don’t let him know where you live. If you want to see him again, arrange a second date and then take it from there.
8. Avoid secluded areas such as parks.
9. Listen to your gut. If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. And if you haven’t met him before, and you know at the beginning of the date that something doesn’t feel right, then leave immediately.
10. Always let someone else know where you're going and who you'll be with. You might even consider arranging a time to call and check in. Or you could arrange to meet up with friends later that night.
11. Give him your cell phone number instead of your home phone number.
12. Always remain alert. Even if you’re having a blast and the chemistry is great, it’s a good idea to remain alert the whole evening. Make sure you have a cell phone on you.
Dating safely is very important. In the initial stages of dating, you are still getting to know someone you know little about. By creating a safe environment to know the person, you’re creating a better situation for you.
COMMUNICATION - CONVERSATION LINES FOR A FIRST DATE
There is nothing worse, when meeting someone for the first time, than that awkward silence after the initial greeting. Kick the silence into orbit with these conversation starters:* How was your day?
* You look really nice, where did you get (item in question)?
* How was work?
* Have you seen any movies recently? How did you like it/them?
* What kind of music do you listen to?
* What sports do you play or like? How long have you played for?
* What interesting things did you do this weekend (week)?
* Have you ever been to (a local restaurant)?
* What kind of foods do you like?
* Where are you from?
* Where did you go to school/college?
* Have you read any good books lately? Was it interesting?
* What do you normally do for fun?
* Do you like (an interest of yours)?
* What's the neatest place you've traveled to?
* What's one place you haven't traveled to yet that you really want to go?
These simple ideas will get the conversation flowing and you will find out what the other is interested in. Be sure to listen carefully to what the other person says so that you can ask follow-up questions while learning new things.
TIPS & SIGNS THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND WILL DUMP YOU
When a relationship ends, we tend to wonder where it went wrong. Were there any warning signs that he lost interest? YES. But you were so wrapped up in the relationship or with other things that you didn’t even see it coming. Here are eight warning signs he is no longer interested... or maybe these are how you are acting. Either way it is time to take a closer look at your relationship and decide whether you want it or not.Warning Sign #1: He hasn’t called you for a few days
This isn't necessarily a sign that it is over, but if you are use to him calling frequently then there is something wrong.
Warning Sign #2: Picking fightsDoes he fly off the handle more than usual? Is he causing arguments over stupid little things? This is often a bad case when people are no longer interested in a relationship but they don’t want to be the one to end it. Don’t beat about the bush. Ask him out right if he is no longer interested in the relationship.
Warning Sign #3: He's being secretive
He no longer wants to tell you where he has been or who was on the phone. Maybe the phone is off limits to you. He disappears for hours without an explanation.
Warning Sign #4: He no longer refers to "we" but "I"
You use to sit and plan your future together. "We are going to do this, we are going to do that". Now it is "I am going to do this". You are no longer included in his future.
Warning Sign #5: He’d rather spend time with his friends than you
You have to fight with his friends for his attention. Before you were most important in his life. Now his friends are more important than you.
Warning Sign #6: You no longer talk
Once upon a time you would sit and have discussions about everything from the weather to what is happening to the ozone. Now he just answers everything with a "yes". You no longer have deep discussions.
Warning Sign #7: Friends start asking what's wrong
Friends begin to notice tension or distance between you. They start asking if everything Is "all right".
Warning Sign #8: He's more critical of you
"That’s a horrible dress," he says. Yet he helped you pick it out only a few weeks ago.
Remember that these are only warning signs and, in fact, your relationship may just be going through a rough patch. Talk to each other first before you do anything you may regret.
THINGS TO DO ON A FIRST DATE
Inexpensive First Date Ideas:1. The beachTake a picnic, a bottle of wine and a rug and spend the day catching the sun together. Or you could take a dip together. All that splashing is bound to be great fun.
2. Picnic by a river
Prepare a basket of goodies, a chilled bottle of wine, and enjoy the day relaxing in each other's company.
3. The movies
Let your date choose the film. It will show a good gesture if you don't have the same taste in films. Select a unique theater (i.e. leather seating) to enhance the experience and arrive early to provide plenty of time to get to know each other.
4. Theme park
Big or small, everybody loves theme parks. Triple loop roller coasters, dodgems, etc. is the ideal date for the big kid in us.
5. Eat in
Show off your culinary skills and ask them round for dinner. Don’t over do the candles and music or you may frighten them away.
6. Indoor ice skating - or roller blade in the park
You can lean against each other for balance and warmth.
7. A sporting activity that you both like If you are both big basketball fans, then take a trip to see a professional basketball game together.
8. Kite flying
It's a lot more fun than you may think!
9. A trip to the zoo
Everyone likes animals so a trip to the zoo makes for a perfect date.
10. Local museum or art gallery
This is only a good idea if you are both interested in museums.
Expensive First Date Ideas:
1. Go to a concert
Take them to see their favorite band in concert and dance the night away.
2. Go for an expensive meal
Have her serenaded by one of the waiters with a bottle of champagne and a dozen red roses.
3. Horseback riding
Take a trip to the nearest horse farm. Spend the afternoon horseback riding and stopping to take in the scenery and afternoon lunch in a local inn.
4. Candle lit dinner for two aboard a yacht
Take her out to sea. Put on the full works, captain sailing, champagne on ice and lobsters for dinner.
5. Take in a show
Get dressed up for the evening and go along to watch one of your favorite shows at a theatre house. Or go to a premier of a big blockbuster movie.
6. Horse drawn carriage at night
Take a trip around the city and through the park on a horse drawn carriage. Have it take you to a swanky restaurant and wait while you dine.
7. Under the sea - Go scuba divingThere's three worlds to explore on Earth. What's under the surface, what's on the surface, and what's above the surface. Take your date on an adventure to discover what wonders the ocean holds.
8. Take to the sky - Go for a trip in a hot air balloonThe thrill and beauty of a hot air balloon ride is a very romantic and exciting date. And that's no hot air.
9. A trip to New York for the afternoon
Fly her to New York and back in an afternoon. This is the ultimate first date destination (especially if it is her first time there).
10. On top of the world
Prepare a basket of caviar, prawn cocktail, strawberries and cream and champagne on ice and take to the skies.
Extravagant First Date Ideas:
1. Fly her to Paris and back
Take in all the sights that Paris has to offer. Finish the date with an expensive meal in one of the swanky restaurants in Paris.
2. Helicopter ride
Go for a flight over the city in a helicopter.
3. Become a Vegas Whale
Dress up to the nines and go blow a fortune in a top casino.
4. Parachute jump
Take to the sky for the high of a lifetime. This is cannot be a surprise date unless you are sure this is what they want.
5. Climb to the top of the world
Go mounting climbing on a clear summer’s day. Don’t forget the flag for when you reach the top.
6. Go swimming with dolphins
This has to be the ultimate experience of a lifetime and if you aim to impress, this is the way to do it.
7. Parasailing
Take to the sea, have lunch, then the sky's the limit.
8. Eat in
Hire a top chef and waiting staff to prepare a meal and evening that your date won't soon forget.
SELF HELP - THE POWER OF THINKING POSITIVE
Virtually every self-help book on the market have one thing in common - expressing the importance of being positive to increase your happiness and well-being.There have been many studies done on the power of positive thought and the conclusions show a mass amount of health benefits, without having to take medication! Positive thinking has been proven to reduce stress, help people live longer, and improve your overall well-being and ability to cope.
So if it is that simple, then why aren't we living in a society of total bliss and happiness? The answer is thatno one, you nor I, wants to admit that they are negative. And if you can't admit that you are negative then how can you ever change your lifestyle to being positive?
In Online Dating Magazine's article about online dating profile tips, the #1 tip is to avoid negativity in your profile. Whether it is "I'm lonely" or "my last boyfriend was a jerk" these types of statements turn people off, making it easy to bypass your profile for one where a person seems more in tune with life, and himself/herself.
But avoiding negativity shouldn't just be an issue for your profile. It should be an issue for your life. And with that in mind, here are seven steps to help you turn negativity into positive thinking:
Step 1: Admit You Are Negative
The first step to changing your life is to admit that you are negative or that you have negative thoughts. Whether talking about a coworker behind his/her back or believing you "can't" do something; these contribute to a non-healthy lifestyle.
Step 2: Be Determined to be Positive
Once you've admitted you are negative, or at least have some negative tendencies, you can resolve to changing the way you think. Become conscious of your daily thoughts and when a negative thought enters your mind, quickly turn it around. Instead of "I don't think I can do that," think "I love a new challenge and will conquer this one" or "I can do this no matter how hard it is." Instead of "I'll do this later," think "By getting this done now I can have it accomplished." Eliminate words like "can't" from your vocabulary and replace them with "can". Start to say positive things about other people. Start to think positive things about other people. "Wow, that was really nice what he/she did." When presented the opportunity to comment on someone else, refrain from saying anything bad.
Step 3: Remove Yourself From Negative Influences
Your environment begins to reflect who you are after time. Thus if you have friends or coworkers you hang out with who are always griping about their job, boss, or life then begin to slowly weed out that group of people and seek out those who are positive and don't talk about others behind their back. When you replace a negative environment with a positive one, you make huge strides in improving your lifestyle.
Step 4: Replace Cola with Water
The healthiest beverage you can drink is water. And by replacing chemical and sugar-filled drinks with water, you will make massive improvements to your health. First of all, you are eliminating the sugar and caffeine that are so addicting, yet bad for overall health. Second, you are increasing your water intake. Chemical-free natural water will help improve your energy, eliminate toxins from your body, make your skin more healthy looking, and improve your mental performance. How can you not help but become more positive with such changes to your life?! Drink lots of water - it is the true "miracle vitamin".
Step 5: Stop Watching the News
Murder. Rape. Fraud. War. Daily news is often filled with nothing but negative stories and when you make reading such material a part of your daily lifestyle, you begin to be directly affected by that environmental factor. If you still need a dose of news, then tune into a station or site that features "Good News". Check out this Happy News Web site and this Good News Blog.
Step 6: Learn to Meditate
Meditating allows you to clear your mind, lower stress, become more focused, and stay positive. It's a very positive and powerful medium. By taking just 15 minutes a day to meditate, you'll find yourself handling time and stress much better. You'll also gain a more positive outlook on life.
Step 7: Spread Your Positiveness to Others
Put your new positive thinking lifestyle into action. Take time out to write down the top 10 things you love about your partner and give that list to him/her. When you experience good customer service, take time to write a note or e-mail expressing your gratitude. Practice spreading your positiveness to others and it will grow.
When you allow yourself to become immersed in positive thinking, you will start to see it affect other aspects of your life. For example, instead of feeling "inconvenienced" by merging traffic, you'll allow someone to easily merge in front of you and feel great about it. They might even wave or mouth "thank you". At a grocery store when you have a cart full of groceries and the person behind you has only one or two items you may find yourself saying, "please go ahead of me since you only have a few items" and that person's gratitude will make your day. You'll find yourself actively thinking about others and your contribution to their positive experiences will have a huge affect on your eternal happiness.
CREATING THE PERFECT RELATIONSHIP - HOW TO BE ROMANTIC
The guide that follows is a listing of 101 ways to having a more perfect relationship with the lover of your dreams. While most tips are intended for guys, I am sure you ladies are creative enough to reverse the genders and use them yourselves. I wrote this list a few years back when I was in love with someone (I wasn't single at the time) and although some of the items listed may have been influenced from other lists I had picked up here and there, most of them came from my own experience. Obviously there may be some things listed that just aren't for you, and that's understandable. I wrote this to be a general guide that can help all kinds of couples. I guarantee that by doing some or all of these things with your romantic partner, you will be well on your way to having a more perfect relationship. I realize most of these are not about sex, but they easily can be if you want to add it!1. Watch the sunset together
2. Back rubs/messages
3. French kiss
4. Hold them with hands inside the back of their shirt
5. Whisper to each other
6. Cook for each other
7. French kiss in the rain
8. Dress each other
9. Undress each other
10. Kiss every part of their body
11. Hold hands often
12. Sleep together (actually sleep together, not sex)
13. Sit and talk in just underwear
14. Buy surprise gifts for each other
15. Roses, daisies, or wild flowers
16. Find a nice secluded place to lie and watch the stars
17. Kiss them every chance you get
18. Don't wear underwear and let them find out
19. Lightly kiss their collarbone and jawbone just below their ear, then whisper "I love you."
20. Write poetry for each other
21. Kiss/smell their hair
22. Hugs are the universal medicine
23. Say "I love you" only when you mean it, and make sure they know you mean it
24. Tell her she's the only girl you ever want, and don't lie
25. Spend every second possible together
26. Tell her she never has to do anything she doesn't want to do, and mean it
27. Look into each other's eyes often
28. Very lightly push up their chin, look into their eyes, tell them you love them, and kiss them
29. Talk to each other using only your eyes, body language, and by humming different pitches
30. When in public, only flirt with each other
31. Walk behind them and put your hands in their front pockets
32. Put love notes in their pockets when they don't know it
33. Buy an inexpensive ring, place it on their finger, and say "I do."
34. Sing to each other
35. Read to each other
36. PDA's
37. Take advantage of any time alone together to cuddle
38. Draw a picture together
39. Let them sit on your lap
40. Lips were made for kissing. So were eyes, cheeks, collarbones, hands, and ears.
41. Kiss her on her stomach with an oceanic kiss (draw in a short breath or air just before the kiss)
42. Hold them around their hips/sides
43. Hold her hand, stare into her eyes, kiss her hand, and place it over your heart
44. Unless you can hear their heart beating, then you aren't close enough
45. Dance together
46. Cherish the picture you see when she falls asleep in your arms
47. Carry her when you have to walk through mud, or she's tired, cold, or even if she asks
48. Do cute things like write "I love you" on a piece of paper so they have to hold it up to a mirror to read it
49. Make excuses to call them often
50. Even if you are extremely busy doing something and they are away and know you are busy, go out of your way to call and say "I love you" or something else to show them you do
51. Call them from your vacation spot and tell them you miss them and were thinking about them, and be sure to mean it
52. Remember your dreams, and share them with each other
53. Ride your bike a healthy distance to see them if even just for a few hours, even if you have a car
54. After you've ridden/driven home, call them
55. Tell each other your most sacred secrets/fears
56. Be Prince Charming to her parents, and mean it
57. Act out a mutual non-sexual fantasy together
58. Brush her hair out of her face for her
59. Stay up all night and think of 101 ways to be sweet to them
60. Talk to her friends as well as her when you are all together
61. Go to church/worship/pray together, even if you aren't religious
62. Take her to see a movie and remember all the parts she liked
63. Cuddle together under a full moon on a clear night
64. Learn from each other and never make the same mistakes twice
65. Everyone deserves a second chance
66. Describe the joy that you genuinely feel just to be with him/her
67. Make obvious sacrifices for each other
68. Love each other together, don't just be together
69. You figure it out. (Haha.)
70. Write a story about how you met and fell in love with them, and give it to them
71. Let there never be a second during the day you aren't thinking about them, and make sure they know it
72. Pray about them every night before going to bed
73. Love yourself before you love anyone else
74. Learn to say sweet things in foreign languages
75. Dedicate songs on the radio to them if you can, even if you know they aren't listing so everyone else can know how you feel
76. Fall asleep on the phone with each other (intentionally)
77. Stand up for them if someone talks trash, whether or not they are present
78. Never forget the kiss goodnight, and always remember to say "sweet dreams"
79. Always try to tell them everything you love about them, and mean it
80. Draw cute little pictures and symbols on the letters you give them
81. Give her something of personal value for her to keep as a reminder of your love for her
82. Never do anything with other members of the opposite sex that you wouldn't do with them there with you
83. Find a particular tree in the part to call your own, and go there often to talk about your day
84. Make sure to put their wishes before your own
85. Always remember the anniversary and plan something special for the occasion; forgive and forget if they forget the anniversary
86. Board games on rainy days
87. Always say "bless you" or "God bless you" when she sneezes
88. Share with your friends how much you love them, and be truthful
89. Open your heart to them as much as or more than they do to you
90. Always say good, truthful things to them to cheer them up when they need it
91. Never talk about problems with ex's
92. Go on a walk and pick flowers for her (with or without her)
93. Be true to yourself- be true to each other, and always be true
94. Spend time thinking of creative dates
95. Go on one of those creative dates
96. To settle an argument, think of what is right, not who is right
97. Never say anything you know will make them jealous
98. Tell her parents how much you love her
99. Find a particular star in the night sky to call your own. When you know you can't be together, set a time for both of you to look at the same star and think of each other.
100. Fill your heart with love, and fill theirs with yours
101. Never wait for them to say "I love you" first, and always say it in return with meaning.
CHEATING - CAUSES OF INFIDELITY
As long as there have been men and women and as long as they have been dating, we have been engaged in this debate: When you are in a monogamous relationship, what constitutes cheating? Where do you draw that line? And is there a gray area?There was a time when cheating had a simple definition; like the kind of the Scarlet Letter. But nowadays, both men and women are more complex and less tolerant of betrayal of any sort in a committed relationship. And when it comes to men and women, we probably differ vastly when it comes to what we perceive as cheating.
So, off come the gloves – here are seven relationship traps that you may or may not define as infidelity. It's up to you to decide
Confiding in a Friend of the Opposite Sex
Most guys would probably say no way is this cheating. They may understand that their girlfriends aredelicate, emotional creatures that need to talk things out to death. And better with some other poor guy than with himself, right?
But, many women actually feel threatened by their man confiding in friend of the opposite sex. Connecting with another woman on an emotional level can be even worse than connecting on a sexual level. What do you need to say to this other woman that you cannot share with your girlfriend? It has been called emotional cheating and it can be more hurtful than one night of torrid, drunken sex with an anonymous woman from the bar.
Dancing Closely
In many cultures, dancing is considered a very sensual act. That's why so many people probably think dance clubs are a great place to pickup.
This is one that most guys and girls can see eye to eye on. If you are at a nightclub, grinding sexually with someone other than your significant other, there is bound to be trouble.
Flirting
Flirting is such a natural act between men and women. Most confident individuals, in a secure and comfortable relationship don't mind their man/woman joking around or engaging in a little innocent flirting. Admit it, you probably do it all the time.
But if the conversations are sexual and the flirting is with the intent of eventually "getting some," then you have definitely crossed the line.
Going to Strip Clubs
There are some people who think that going to a strip club in and of itself constitutes cheating. But there are those who are more accepting and will allow their partner to enjoy a guys or girls night out at the rippers.
The problem arises when your committed boyfriend/girlfriend pays to touch a stripper. If you have to go to a strip joint to touch another person sexually, then there's a problem with the relationship. I think it is cheating, no doubt... Then again, I'm a woman.
Cyber Sex
Getting on the Internet and engaging in cyber sex ranks high on the cheating scale in pretty much everyone's book. It is hurtful to know that your partner is so unsatisfied sexually with you that he/she needs to talk dirty to a computer screen to get off. What's the point of talking to a blank, inhuman face when you can have the real thing right at home?
But then again, is there a direct correlation between your sex life and the desire to have cyber sex?
Watching Porn
Although it might be upsetting to know that your significant other has a fetish for watching pornographic movies, many of us would not consider it cheating. Women know that men enjoy watching porn and that it is an act that is completely separate from the relationship. There is no live "other woman" threatening the relationship. It is merely a sexual fantasy or maybe a way for men to learn hot moves for you in the bedroom.
Engaging in a Sexual Act
If I have to debate this one for you, you're a lost cause. All of us who aren't in one of those trendy "open relationships" consider kissing, caressing, licking, or having sex with another person cheating.
This is one you can't argue your way out of. It is the ultimate act of infidelity and a sure way to end your monogamous relationship.
LADIES LOVE UNAVAILABLE MEN
It seems she’s everywhere. That Girl. She may be eyeing you from across a crowded dance floor while she grinds seductively against her girl friend. She could be your “platonic” friend who seems to be in a perpetual state of crisis, calling for comfort in the wee hours of the morning a little too frequently. Maybe she’s the receptionist at your office or an online friend who wants to be more. There’s just one problem - you already have a girlfriend.That Girl is the one with designs on stealing you away from your committed relationship and if you aren’t careful, her very presence could cause your happy twosome to come apart at the seams. Sure, you can think of plenty of ideas to excuse her behavior: she’s just drunk, she’s only a friend, she looks up to me.
Despite your justifications, this girl may be hatching schemes to get between you and your partner. If you want to keep your happy home trouble free, it’s helpful to be aware of some of the motivations these girls might have so you can avoid falling into an inappropriate situation.Low Self-esteem
In most cases, the reason these girls go for someone who is already attached is that they have a very low opinion of themselves. Outwardly, she may be acting like she’s God’s gift to everyone else’s boyfriend, but inside she’s just too scared to approach an available guy for fear of getting shot down. If she can’t get in your pants, at least she can blame it on your girl’s presence and not her own qualities (or lack thereof).Idle Time
Some of these girls are simply bored and going to a club to hit on other people’s dates is just part of the fun of a Saturday night. This motivation is usually fairly harmless and rarely carries on longer than the night in question. However, if you start responding to her come-ons, you could have a fight to take home with you. Steer clear of the slutty drunk chick that seems oblivious to the fact that you’re paired up.She Loves Drama
This is a similar motivation to boredom, but more far-reaching. The girls addicted to drama are going to take time to build a foundation of trust with you. This is usually centered on turning to you with some kind of emotional crisis.
The most effective way to cement this “support system” is to confide to you the terrible breakup she’s going through with an allegedly abusive guy. If you have even one sensitive bone in your body, you’re going to find it difficult to turn away from a heartbroken girl who has been treated like garbage by a scum bag guy.
For the sake of your relationship, take it easy on the all night cry fests. It’s good to be a friend, but your girlfriend is the one that deserves the majority of your emotional support.Father Figure Issues
They say girls seek out mates that are like their fathers. If her father habitually cheated on her mother, or left the family for another woman, she could be repeating this relationship pattern, consciously or unconsciously. Trying to get a guy to stray from his commitment just proves a self-fulfilling prophecy for her. She believes all men will cheat, so she might as well help.Real Feelings
This is less likely to happen in real life than romantic comedies would have you believe. People rarely fall totally in love with someone else’s mate unless the mate is willing to stray. If what she has is a passing crush or a case of puppy love, you don’t have to worry. The infatuation should fade if you make the boundaries clear.
However, if her feelings run deeper, you’ll have a more difficult task on your hands. Let her down gently, but make sure she knows how in love with your girlfriend you are. She has to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she has no chance of breaking you two up.
UNDERSTANDING YOUR GIRLFRIEND
Women are complex creatures, sometimes frustratingly so. There are times when we make the men in our lives want to throw up their hands in defeat and say, "I'll just never understand what women want!"Don't give up hope. Sometimes the key to understanding your girl is to read between the lines of what she's saying to discover what she really means.
It's not entirely our fault that we have this round about way of communicating. Boys are taught from a young age that asking for what they want is the best way to get it, while girls are encouraged to use our "feminine wiles" to maneuver our way into what our heart desires.
It doesn't help that a straightforward persistent woman in our society is often tagged with unfair labels like "bitch" or "ball breaker". So instead of being direct, we sometimes take the long way to getting to what we really mean. To help you understand, there are certain things you can look for to help you decode the meaning behind your girlfriend's words.
She Wants To Be Babied
"I had a really busy day" = "I need some pampering"
When your girl complains about her long hard day, there's a good chance it's not just to get it off her chest. She wants you help her relax, but instead of just asking you for a back massage, or to run her a hot bath, she feigns helplessness so you'll be able to sweep in as her man and fix everything for her.
It's hard for a modern feminist woman to ask for help from her man. We all want to believe we can take care of ourselves, but there are times when we just want to be coddled a little bit. So, instead of being annoyed by her whining, do the smart thing and ask her what she needs to unwind. Trust me, you'll reap the rewards later.
It's Time to Talk
"I don't feel like talking" = "I really NEED to talk"
You can tell something is bothering your girl, but when you ask she says nothing is wrong. Don't be fooled, she really does need to talk. She just wants you to press her a little. If you insist on asking what's wrong it convinces her that you really want to hear about her problems and help resolve them.
Try to encourage her to open up without nagging. Instead, let her know that you are concerned and open to listening. She really does want to tell you about the fight she had with her best friend or how much getting passed over for that promotion at work upset her, but unless you show genuine interest, she'll probably keep it bottled up.
The only time this translation may not be accurate is when she's upset about something you did. In this case, she may really need some space and time to think before she confronts you with it.
She's Feeling Insecure
"I'm not jealous" = "I need reassurance"
You've just run into your ex-girlfriend while walking down the street with your current one. You can tell that the unexpected meeting has your girl frazzled, but she insists she's not threatened.
What NOT to do in this situation is accuse her of being mistrustful or joke about how cute she is when she's jealous. The right thing to do here is to reassure her of your love and devotion without being too obvious about it. Try something like, "Wow, seeing Suzy again just makes me realize how perfect you and I are together."
She Wants to Get Serious
"So are we like together?" = "I want a commitment"
Stereotypically, guys are all commitment phoebes while their girls are fervently awaiting him dropping to one knee in the perfect moment of romantic dedication. This may not be universally true, but there's a good chance she's looking toward the next stage in your relationship before you've even entertained the concept.
Not wanting to come on too fast or too strong, she'll probably be fairly hesitant to come right out and say she'd like to be your girlfriend or that she thinks that it's time you moved in together. Make it easy on her by being honest and clear about your feelings and intentions. If you're not quite ready to pledge monogamy, say so, but tell her that you think it's a big step, something you don't want to take lightly.
Ask for some time to think about it. Never make a commitment that you're not willing to follow through on. If you're not done playing the field, don't give the impression that you are. It will only lead to heartbreak.
WAYS TO INCREASE YOUR LOVE
For most couples, whether married or in a long-term relationship, it can be a difficult transition once the "honeymoon" stage is over. The initial lust and butterflies in the stomach you once felt may have given way to a more laid-back, comfortable feeling with your significant other. It is normal for long-standing relationships to cool down after a while and this is when the real relationship building begins.A good partnership is like tending to a pet - either you feed and nurture it, or bad things will happen. The small things you do become important. Daily habits help to forge strong relationships and marriages. It can be as simple as remembering to tell your partner "I love you," everyday.
If you are really serious about making your relationship work, there are several little rituals that you can incorporate into your daily life.
Talk To Each Other
Most relationship experts would agree that talking is the most important elements of a healthy partnership. Happy couples typically say their relationship works better when they can sit down one-on-one, share their feelings and work out their frustrations. Topics of discussion can extend past your relationship. Talk about work, how your day is going, or something funny that happened to you.
Many couples may complain that it is hard to find time in their busy day to have a daily couple's pow-wow. Well, it doesn't have to be an hour-long psych session each day. You simply have to set aside a few minutes for your special someone. For example, do a "weather" check during the day. Call your partner at home or at work to see how his/her day is going. By doing this, you will be more in sync when you reconnect after work.
If you have a pet dog, how about walking it together every night? The quiet time and fresh air can be your chance to focus on each other. If you have missed each other during the day, be sure to catch up at night right before going to bed. It is in this relaxed atmosphere that you can unwind and tell your partner about your busy day.
When you live together, you may automatically think you know everything about your lover. In reality though, it is very easy for life to get in the way if you don't take the time to connect with each other.
Flirt
Flirting isn't just for teenagers and couples on their first date. Part of a healthy sexual relationship involves flirting with each other everyday. And it doesn't just have to be a form of foreplay. Even on the nights when you are just too doggone tired to be intimate in bed, flirting can be a fun way to keep the zest in your relationship.
Don't be embarrassed about flirting in public either. Show off the strength of your relationship with a little PDA (public displays of affection). Walk hand in hand and try to steal a quick hug or kiss whenever you can. Most importantly, don't forget to say "I love you," as much as possible throughout the day.
Be Silly Together
Life is serious enough. Sometimes you just need to do something really silly. And if you can't do it with your significant other, who can you be silly with? When you find the time, try reliving your childhood by visiting an amusement park. Go on all the scary rides and eat all the sweets you can until your stomach can take no more.
For a daily ritual that you and your partner can share at home, try playing a game of Twister. The contorted positions you will find yourselves in will have you laughing in no time. Or kick back and watch a funny TV show that both of you enjoy. Whatever you do, the important thing is to laugh and have fun together.
Declare Your Independence
Remember that healthy relationships are made up of two independent people who have their own personalities and interests. It's not good for the relationship to be constantly joined at the hip. So also make a daily habit of getting away from each other. Peruse your own hobbies and interests.
Doing things separately gives you a chance to fill in the blanks that your partner may not be able to fill for you. For example, if one of you likes sports and the other likes the arts, use your alone time to go to the gym or enroll in a painting class. At the end of your day, you will find that you have more to talk about. It will help bring freshness to the relationship, as you both continue to grow as people.
Cultivate Common Interests
Along with developing your personal interests, apart from one another, it is also essential to find something you can do together. The emphasis is on finding an activity you can both enjoy. Although your definition of fun may be going shopping, he may not enjoy being dragged along.
If common interests are not present, happy couples develop them. Try working out at the gym together. Or take some classes together until you find something you both like. Maybe you'll both fall in love with cooking and connect each night by preparing dinner together.
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